life · story

The Question of Maturity

2018 is not over yet.

In my last post where I talked about how this year had been and how we all have 40 days left to make the most of the last chapter of 2018, I had been right.

There is so much more to learn and each day is different.

The person I was at the beginning of this year and the person I am and the person I am becoming are totally different and I am being really hopeful about the change here.

My tolerance levels for drama have gone to under zero. I don’t want any sort of drama because this year was filled with it and I have had my share of the drama.

This year was a year of realizations and relationships. Life is nothing but a relationship.

Life-

  1. Relationship with our own self
  2. Relationship with our family
  3. Relationship with our teachers, co-workers
  4. Relationship with our friends
  5. Relationship with our health
  6. Relationship with our work
  7. Relationship with our peace
  8. And the list of relationships goes on and on….

This year was full of ups and downs, there were big highs and big lows and the process is still on!

There were great successes achieved and there have been failures and I know of an upcoming failure as well and that is a result of my “Karma” or the lack of “Karma” for my exam tomorrow.

The highlight of this year was travels and the trips I happened to take. I have rebelled like anything and I have gone insane with that and have managed to come back to my sanity. So, all in all, a circle was completed.

This year I got close to 2 people- one a 20-year-old and the other a 30-year-old and somehow in between I felt myself changing.

In one scenario, I let a 20-year-old to depend on me completely and invade in my space and in the other scenario, I opened up as a person and started to depend on the 30-year-old, I basically lost all my barriers and walls in both the scenarios. I did not set any boundaries in either situation and if you look at it, the circle is again complete- I can think both as a dependent on someone and as a dependable person on whom the other person depended on. And oh boy, it’s tough to be decisive when you know how to think from both ends.

And the entire question is of “space”

Each individual is entitled to his/her own space. 

No one owes anyone anything. 

Each individual is on his/her own. 

Boundaries matter. No matter how anyone says that there are no boundaries in a friendship, there are. There are boundaries at home too and we outgrow our homes at times, outgrowing ourselves and the relationships around us is natural and sometimes necessary. The only permanent thing in life is the change and change is good because it keeps on giving you a reminder to not take anything or anyone for granted. We often tend to take our mothers for granted, we must not do that. Whenever I behave in a fashion that my mother feels that I am taking her for granted, she calls it out to me and I try my best but habits like these take time to change because my mother allowed me to take her for granted so many times on so many occasions. 

Coming back to the scenarios I was discussing up here, I now cannot stand to listen to my 20-year-old, I need to mentally prepare myself to spend time with her because spending time with her is mentally exhausting. And it does not mean I do not love her, I love her a lot but at the same time, I love my mental peace. Setting up boundaries in this scenario was hurtful initially because I did not want to hurt but I was hurting her by asking her to not depend on me or invade in my space unless it’s a “genuine” crisis situation.

In the second scenario, there is less drama, there is more love and regard but there is some tension which keeps cropping up due to my constant presence in my friend’s daily routine and it causes guilt. I am not getting any blame or negativity from anyone else but the guilt which crops up within me because I happen to disrupt the peace in his personal life.

Now why this post is titled “The Question of Maturity”

Here is why.

I felt that somewhere between 20-year-old and a 30-year-old, the 23-year-old me grew up. I felt like a mature person which I did not for a long time. (Are you also fascinated by the play of the number 2 and 3 in the above sentence, because I am.)

But there is a long way to maturity. I did not mature but I started my journey and I guess that is good enough for now.

We are all brought up as kids, everything was ordered and we were expected to obey. First, we are conditioned by our parents, then we are conditioned by our teachers and then at some point we are conditioned by our friends and we end up losing our own personal voice.

Whenever I am about to do something, there is a thought about what would my mother say or what would so and so person say because there is a compulsive need to be liked and be accepted by the people I live with. I always think about not disappointing anyone I love but I do end up disappointing people around me in some form or the other.

Note to self: You cannot make people happy. You are not responsible for anyone else’s happiness or sadness. You are only responsible for your own happiness and peace. The Moment you attach your happiness with a person, an achievement or an event or a milestone or anything, as a matter of fact, you are on your road to be an unhappy person. 

Maturity means the understanding to decide for oneself, the understanding to be decisive on your own. To stand on your own feet — that’s what maturity is. And I am on my way. I have miles to walk to become mature in the real sense. When someone attains full maturity, one becomes a dangerous human being. Because he goes on doing his own thing — he does not bother what people say, what their opinion is. He does not hanker for respectability, for prestige; he does not bother for honour. He lives his own life — he lives it at any cost. He is ready to sacrifice everything, but he is never ready to sacrifice his freedom.

And we restrict our own freedom, I restrict my freedom with my thoughts, with my desire to please the people around me and I restrict my own freedom because of my personal fears. I am not yet a danger to the society around me but I would like to be at some point.

And I guess I have found the theoretical answer to the question of maturity, but I am also aware that this answer will change its meaning with time and with experiences of life.

And what all I have written above will not resonate with a lot of people, each individual has his own ideas, thoughts, and opinions on the basis of which he lives his life.

I wish all of you a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year, may each day be a new one and may each one of my readers, become a better person than they were yesterday because it is through personal growth we all make the world around us a better place.

 

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