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I have to let go.

How many times does it happen in life that we get attached. I am a person who gets attached very easily. I am attached to memories, places, books and most dangerous of all, people. Even though I read a lot and even though I am extremely well read about things in life, success, failure, loss, love, art, poetry and attachments and the art of letting go, the law of attraction and maintaining a balanced life. I am only human and I often fail at managing my emotions, I am the kind of girl who has been blessed with great career opportunities, amazing teachers, wonderful family and loving and supporting friends but I fail at relationships. I am not the kind of girl who plays the game of “hard to get”, I am an extremely straightforward and often confused person because my moral system says something else and my wishes often collide with my moral upbringing. I am an old soul in this new age. I love too much when I happen to love and that somehow ends up in hurt because the universe doesn’t like for me to be in love. When I graduated, it was so hard for me to let go of my college campus, almost every month I went back to my college just to sit under “my tree” where I finished reading so many novels over three years of graduation. I would leave my post grad classes early just to go back to my alma matter and have that cup of caramel coffee. I still haven’t let go of the place where I found myself, where I learnt to write poetry, where I had my first performance on a large scale, where I created so many memories and met so many amazing people. And now I have to let go of my alma matter. I am learning to move on. But you see, I am a slow learner and life wants me to be a little quick, it is making me part with a very dear friend and letting go has never been this tough. As we grow up, our attachments grow stronger and as we grow up, a lot of people leave. Some leave you for good and some leave you and they teach you a lesson. Some leave only to come back again and when these people come back, you forget that they can leave even now. Saying goodbye once is hard, saying goodbye twice is the hardest thing. But I have to let go now and I have no clue how will I do that but I will, someday.

 

My heart is like a child,

a very delicate child,

it does not know the art to let go,

it only knows hope.

Hope that angels exist.

Hope that love is forever.

It lives in a dream land and does not like when life wakes it up.

My heart wants some sleep, some sweet dreams.

But this child also knows it has to grow up,

it will have to parent itself.

It will have to let go.

It will have to let go.

I have to let go.

I am a Hopeless Romantic

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Pictures source: Internet. Quote by Sylvia Plath

I am a Hopeless Romantic. I dream every moment of my life. I believe in those dreams. Reality often tries to give me new spectacles so that I could see reality but I like these illusions in my head that appear real. I will gift you a bouquet of red roses to let you know I love you. I will sing you songs whose lyrics would describe how much you mean to me because my eyes will speak silently and you’re dumb and don’t understand the silence. I will cook pancakes for you on sunday because you love them. You will be my poetry and like spring winds you’ll flow. I will do things for you that you wouldn’t even know. I will help you to go wherever you want to go. Most importantly I would love you enough to let go unless you want to come back to me. Because I believe in true love. Because deep down I am a hopeless romantic even though I act like I am not. But I do know that I am one looking for “The One.” But I think I am the so called “the one” because deep down I am in love with the idea of love. Again I am allowed to dream. So why not? Let’s be in love with the one. We are the one.

What is Real?

illusion-art-painting (21)

“Children see magic because they look for it.”

-Christopher Moore

Yesterday I happened to have a conversation with a friend about how we create our lives. Those who read are often smitten by quotes. You get a basic idea about a person’s mind by the pages they follow on Instagram and Facebook and the quotes they relate to. The question we raised was “Do we really relate to quotes or have we accepted them as the truth of our lives? And we’re perhaps too blind or lazy to prove those quotes wrong.” There are about 7 billion people on the planet and a lot of them relate to the same quote, which is absolutely fine. But do we realize that most of us have believed quotes to be the truth and unintentionally the quotes we like have become the truth of our lives.
Literature, art, poetry, music is something that we live for because they are beautiful. Is it a good thing or a bad thing to  lead our lives the way we are leading or we need to change?

What I believe is that our life is part real and part illusion. We often turn our illusions into reality. When I say that I am a wizard, you might think that I am kidding but it’s totally based on my experiences in life and how I see things. Everything, be it a simple object like an apple has various connotations for each one of us and we make those connotations appear to be real. In Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows, there’s a conversation that takes place in Harry’s head and he questions if it’s happening in real, to which Dumbledore responds that “Of course it’s happening in your head but that doesn’t mean that it isn’t real.”

So What’s Real?

I would love to read your perspective in the comments section. 🙂

 

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Fog

I see it breaking.
Not even breaking, just vanishing simply slowly.
With misty future, threads of ties fading.
Dryness overpowers the warmth. It’s like I am always thirsty and my mouth parched unable to figure out you. Or me. Or anything.

Ghostly existence

Of choices it is.
Of identity it is.
Life takes several assessments
Result doesn’t matter as long as you appear.

Treachery is lucrative
Unethical paths too.
People will hold your hands but only because they could get through.

Fascinating world it is.
Number of chums are insignificant
As long as you are significant.
You exist. You’re alone.
You don’t. Well, it doesn’t take much to be a ghostly existence.
Of pride it is.

Let’s just be.

I was never a person who would read multiple books because I had problems keeping a track. I have realised that it is in my own hands to take care of my concentration power. Recently I have had phases where I experienced Writers Block and Readers Block. To say that I am out of both is wrong, not entirely though. I have been writing but it’s majorly random scribbles like this one where all I talk about is daily mundane stuff but since it generates certain emotions and hence it is here. I can not write until and unless I feel something. It’s been 10 days since I have isolated myself from being a social butterfly and focusing on my growth. I have never been able to figure out whether I am an extrovert or an introvert. You may call me an Ambivert but someone told me that you’re either an introvert or an extrovert, there’s no in between but I see shades of grey and not the black and white of the things. However, this statement has got me thinking. What conclusion I have got, I have no clue. The thing is that ever since I am in a shell of my own, I have been ambitious and relaxed, I am such a paradox. Am I focusing too much on myself? Maybe. But who doesn’t. Everyone cares about themselves first.
In these 10 days, I have took to too much reading (woah.. alliteration)
I have been reading multiple books, two novels, various short stories by different authors, an epic called MahaBharata, poetry and ofcourse my text books and strangely, I have been able to keep a track of everything and my dreams are a mixture of all of them and I don’t know where I am heading but I am just loving everything. Without focusing on virtual conversations, I meet people in real and love to listen to them share things. I feel really glad that people find me trustworthy and share their things with me, listening to people gives me different perspectives. However with my best friends I force them to listen to me, you see, I talk a lot too. There’s a friend of mine who often tries to lecture me and I tell her that dude shut up, I am not listening to you but I sometimes wish I did. Apart from reading, I have been watching a lot of new shows and listening to music and I like it here. Peaceful, calm and lovable. Life feels worth it. But why am I sharing it all here if I am happy in my shell? You see, I haven’t talked much recently and I like to talk right now. So I thank all my readers for reading this because I have seen that all those posts which I don’t edit and just publish connect more because deep down we all are one. I may not know you but I might connect to you and we might interact someday and you could be my dear friend. Would you like it? I would. 😀