The very idea of Romance

Romance: if we look at the origin of this word, it means ‘beautiful’ and this was first used to address the beauty of the evening sky. That’s how the concept of romantic weather came into being. And over the years, romance started to get associated with love. Essentially romance is love that is not long lasting as per definition. It is transitory.

(For verification of the above, read about it in evolution of language articles on Google.)

Now, the very idea of Romance is exciting on most days if you’re not a cynical person or allergic to anything cheesy like some of my friends. I find myself constantly in a battle when it comes to the idea of Romance. On most days I am a hopeless romantic falling in love with life, nature, experiences, people and food. Romance is an extremely important aspect of my life because of my parents who are so much in love that even after decades of being together, they make me believe that fairy tales exist for real and love is one thing that can make you move mountains. I call my life a poetry. A poetry full of joy, love, sorrows and occasional moments of depression as well. 

The very idea of Romance is enough to make me happy. Going for a walk is romance, being curled up with a mug of hot chocolate is romance, having a beautiful conversation with someone is romance, pulling off an all nighter just to read favorite erotica is romance, travelling around the city aimlessly and having fun is romance, and I can go on forever. You don’t need a guy or a girl to experience romance to be honest. But having company helps. Sometimes I romance my mother by taking her out on a date and all we do is walk and talk about silly things which we don’t get to discuss while at home. Every morning my mother is working in the kitchen and the moment I wake up, first thing I do is to go and hug her from the back. This has been my routine for I don’t know how many years. 

My last couple of days have been really romantic. I have done almost everything I listed above, going for a walk, having food, talking to a friend and laughing and then reading my favorite book in the light of the Darkness. But love hurts at some point or the other. One is very naive when one is in love and I am an extremely stupid human when I love too much. Sometimes I think that love needs to be a bit more rational but then what about this heart which doesn’t understand the concept of rationality. Everyday life is a constant conflict between the idea of Romance and being this sensible human being. Because no matter who we are or what we do, love does not make sense and it is not supposed to make sense. Love is totally nonsensical but we have to keep doing it like Ted Mosby. 

If we don’t let our hearts bleed, have we really lived? 

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Why we appreciate what we appreciate?

I was surfing through Facebook and found a link from the movie: Liberal Arts where in that scene this was discussed among two individuals, why we read what we read? And it got me really curious. So I asked this question to 12 people and got 4 good answers, some responded with puns, some shared information on the internet. However I am gonna talk about 4 personalized responses that I got, Sonal, my friend from graduation years has nicely put things in the following message:

“I appreciate what I appreciate, because it establishes its importance or relevance in my life, and I want to acknowledge its presence. There is, so to speak, some connection or level of familiarity involved. I read/watch/listen anything because

a) I’m genuinely interested in that

b) It makes me feel good

c) I want to read/watch/listen to it

d) I care about someone who loves that particular thing

e) Sometimes you don’t have an option”

And Paridhi, my dearest mental twin puts it beautifully in the following lines:
“Because if we don’t appreciate what we want to appreciate, we are lying to ourselves and hiding and depriving the world of the truth.
And if we don’t read/watch/listen that which we wish to read/watch/listen, then we’re wasting and insulting the gift of eyes, ears, body and mind given to us by our mother nature.”

So the above two answers pretty much sums up everything everyone else said or shared. What is my take on this? Why am I writing a post about it?

I think that we appreciate what we appreciate because of how that external stimulus makes us feel. We all have emotions of happiness, sadness, bliss, disappointment within us which come out when we are faced with some external stimulus and that stimulus could be books, movies, people and anything and everything in this material world. We must acknowledge the fact that we all are different individuals with different thought patterns, ideologies and opinions and even though we are all made of the same star dust, we are all different beings relating to similar things at different points in time. You may absolutely hate something I love and I absolutely hate something you are passionate about but then you and I are really close friends so I might as well want to give that book, song or movie a second chance and that may not be the case with you because you’re you and I am me and we are all okay and justified in whatever we do but at the same time, nothing gives us the right to demean the choices the other human being makes. You might love to talk about cars and I obsess over coffee too much and we can have coffee talking about cars. There is always a way to live life in such beautiful patterns if only we twist our rigidness a little. And you know what there could be very little random things that could be the reason for your happiness and you appreciate those reasons and then the people around you raise eyebrows because they find you weird. I am often called “The very weird girl” in my group of friends and family. I often get dialogues like “how do you have friends”, “no wonder you’re single”, “you’re unrealistic”, “woman you’re crazy” and the list of dialogues is endless. But then aren’t we all weird and strange and quirky in our own little ways. I have hardly come across what do you call “normal” people because we are differently wired yet born with the same heart and it is the heart that matters. We appreciate what we appreciate because it makes our heart feel something and that’s what life is all about. The job of the heart is not to just pump blood. I read something that truly touched my heart
“You have to break your heart many times before it actually opens.”

-Rumi
So there will be disagreements regarding a lot of things in life and a lot of bonding over similar famdoms but then it is the heart. It is always the heart that plays the game and wins. There is no defeat when the heart feels.

To all the good men out there.

To all the good men out there,

A very happy international men’s day.

I am just a girl in my 20s coming from a background of girls’ college, a student of economics and a voracious reader and after years of mentally dating fictional men all my life, I write this to all the real good men out there. Feminism comes natural to me. I am one of those headstrong women who often believes in killing a man’s ego if it harms me in some way. Yes, I am the women most men don’t like because I talk back. And I do not like a lot of men either because in general they disappoint me with their patriarchal attitudes and sexist comments in an everyday conversation. (Point to note: I don’t like a lot of women either. But more on that later.)

But at the same time, I would not generalize here. Because I believe in the fact that good men exist too. They exist in the background mostly because they’re too smart to come in the race. To all the men who are honest, to all the men who respect themselves, their goals, ambitions and people in their lives, to all the men who treat women as equals, to all the men who acknowledge that they are messed up instead of putting up a macho show of ‘men don’t cry’ and to all the men who are emotional and sensitive, to all the men who don’t cheat, to all the men who make our lives beautiful, to all the men who are willing to support, learn, grow together and to all the men who don’t form the part of the general race, you’re special and you’re appreciated. 

We all live in a society where being a man is a privilege in itself because you don’t have to go through the ordeals of struggles women go through because of conventional norms, in a society like this, if you’re a man standing up for what is right and not conventional, my love and regard goes out to you. 

Being a man is also a difficult task if you’re good at heart. So if you find that you’re being tested in life, know that world is not that bad a place and there are people who appreciate your existence. 

I wish all of you best in life. 

-A random girl in her 20s who doesn’t like men in general.
Post script: to all the boys out there in the process of becoming a man, be a gentleman if you can, there are enough stupid jerks already in the universe. And to all the men, who consider that they are entitled to have their way just because they are men, think again. Try becoming a human being instead of a man or a woman and life will be beautiful for you and for people around you. 
Have a wonderful day.

About being a narcissist

Narcissism is such a negative word because narcissism in its core form is indeed negative. However, self love is the right term to use about the things that I am going to talk about today. 

You see, we live in a world full of complexities, cut throat competitions and judgements. ‘Judgements’ my friend. And there’s an evil brother of judgements called ‘Expectations’. So you see where I am going. Now, in a world like this where you disappoint a lot of people around you and if you hate stupidity and fakeness and dumb people, about 80% of the population around you disappoints you. And since we the so called millennials who are ruining a lot of industry business because news says so, the business we are helping is the libraries. Millennials read a lot and a recent report showed that our generation goes to library more often than the older ones. So we are learned good for nothing as per the society standards. With social media becoming an integral part of daily lives, it is important to look good all the time but you know what I don’t and I acknowledge the glorious mess that I am because if I could be perfect on social media all the time I know that I am being fake and the people out there know who is being fake and pretentious and who is being real. It is important to acknowledge the mess that we are and that we go through. We don’t have to prove anything to anyone. We just have to keep being ourselves. And man, that’s hard because you remember the siblings I talked about? Judgements and Expectations.

So here is the thing, I love myself a lot and I own up to my decisions and mistakes. And I do care about myself first and then others because if I am not happy myself, how can I be the reason for your happiness. I can only give what I have. And in order to be there for you, I need to be there for myself. And people often find me selfish and you know what, I am okay with it. Because I can only be selfless by being selfish. And my suggestion to you is don’t give a fuck. You have limited fucks to give in life, choose your fucks wisely, said Mark Manson. 
And to all the people who going to judge me on the basis of this post, well darling, I don’t care about your judgement unless you have constructive criticism to offer. I choose my criticisms wisely. It’s high time, you should too. 

And always believe in the power of love. If you have to be Savage, be Savage with love. Because there is nothing that love cannot achieve. 
Have a good day.

Coffee Romance

My relationship with coffee is eternal. 

On my good days, it’s mere existence is sufficient while on bad days, I crave to die in the sea of coffee being embraced by its warmth. Sometimes I wish it could hug.

I have been wanting to have a cup of coffee at Perch, in Khan Market for approximately two years now and I was waiting to go there on a very special day with a special person. That was the place I had in my mind where I wanted to have my first romantic date with the best coffee in town. Little did I know that I would end up romancing the coffee because as that cream touch my lips, it’s perfect like first kiss with a lover. My friends often tell me that I romance the idea of first kiss way too much and practically, it’s unexpected and messy and not as beautiful as you write it in your fantasies but then who would know? Fantasies do come true when you just start living the fantasy. 
It was a romantic date. With coffee. 

And a special person with whom I shared some moments of laughter. I don’t think I can romance real people while having kissing scenes with coffee. 

Here’s to a beautiful coffee. And a beautiful human bearing with a crazy girl with Disney fantasies in life.

Dear beautiful human, 

My love for you is weirdly insane, in those winks and in those tickles and in those high fives where creativity meets with professionalism and in those sleepy eyes to high giggles, in those flat note songs and lame jokes. Let’s walk together, laughing at the craziness life is and just swing around the yellow line at the platform. Thank you for borrowing time because time is always borrowed and premium is paid in memories that stay. 

Stay. 

40 hours of love

I was up till 3AM last night with a hurricane in my head. Past 40 hours have been beautiful and I am grateful for them. The date that we had and the conversation afterwards which didn’t seem to end. But as I sat down with a pen in my hand and yellow colored parched papers of my diary, my throat went dry. Everything that we shared made me go into a trance of realization of how I first fell in love four years ago and how it all started and I don’t know if it’s a coincidence or not, but the similarities are hard to ignore and that realization has opened up wounds I thought were healing. Sometimes it’s better to read beautiful pages from glossy paper hard bound pretty cover books than to make that book your own and create a chapter out of it. 
I think I loved you when you distracted me while I was trying to gather my thoughts about GST. I think I loved you when you told me about your first experience with alcohol. I think I loved you when you shared the story of shedding tears in the lap of nature. I think I loved you everytime we crossed the roads. Roads for me are like I own them and I walk like I am the queen but then you made me feel like a child on the road having fun. I think I loved you every minute. 

But a part of me gets scared of happiness. I read about love, I write about love, I feel love all the time. And I am not used to being loved. And I am not used to the happiness associated with moments of love. As much as I enjoy them I get scared of the hurt that comes along. Nothing in this life is not balanced. If love gives you a high feeling it also gives you an equally low feeling and that low place sucks so much that high feeling feels scary. 

I will look for reasons to get out of it, I will look for reasons to abandon everything good in fear of uncertain risky future. I will look for reasons to find wrong in what felt right. And I will regret my choices and decisions but then I will make peace with it. Time. It’s never the time that passes by. It is you and I and I let it because falling trap to some insecurities are better than some uncertainties. 

And as Sarah Kay and Phil Kay said

“Love arrives exactly when it is supposed to and it leaves exactly when it is supposed to.”
“Thank you for stopping by.”
From 40 hours of love to 40 rules of love in attempts to avoid heartache.

“Where there is love, there is bound to be heartache.”

​Can a Soul be Sad and yet not Dark?

Yes. And no. Honestly I do not know. Because souls are beings. They define our very existence. Souls are neither happy nor sad. Souls are just souls. Souls are life and a proof that we are alive to feel the emotions of sadness and happiness. Darkness is an attribute we associate with emotions of sadness, jealousy, envy while happiness, bliss and laughter are the light in our lives but two contradicts can very well coexist. How I cannot explain but you can feel them. Being sad doesn’t make you a dark human or a dark soul because a sad person either gives up on life and commits suicide or he uses his sadness to create art. Art that will be so powerful and passionate that it will make you feel uncomfortable. Dark poets are always celebrated yet criticised. Paradox? Irony? Maybe. Because some things are so intertwined that it’s impossible to pinpoint. Fascinating are those that radiate sunshine through their wounds of hurt and sadness. And divine is this thought that gives meaning to art and life. 
My dear, souls cannot be dark, souls cannot be sad. Souls can only be drunk. How? Ask the Nightingales.

1.2.3.4.5. I think I’ll make it. So shall you. 

1. Inner peace is not over-rated. 
You know what. I am having an existential crisis. And I am the independent girl you would like to call when you are in crisis. I have always thought meditation and looking for peace is over rated. Trust me it is not. Yes I do feel awkward sitting by myself trying to chant “Om Shanti Om, I am a peaceful soul.” Because clearly I am not. I try to calm my demons every now and then and there they are dancing around fire ignoring my attempts for serenity and laughing right back at me and when I get exhausted, I enjoy their company. Let inner peace take a backseat. 
2. Comfortably Numb.
This feeling of being comfortably numb is as addictive as coffee. One just craves to be there if you’re going either way. Happiness comes with *Conditions Apply. And when moving on towards sadness, comfortably numb is an alluring destination. We don’t realize that there’s no destination in life, it is a journey with stations to stop by. But you know I keep missing my trains often. 
3. I am a needy girl but I won’t accept this fact. 
I am a normal girl (well not exactly normal). I want a good career. I like to be independent but at the same time, I have the same dreams like any stereotypical girl, that I often judge. I do crave having a relationship. I do wish for a guy to pamper me with clichéd romantic gestures. I do wish to have a perfect relationship with my girlfriends, have nightouts, pajama parties, sleep overs and gossip sessions. Instead I hide behind this statement, “I find all of this boring, reading books is my escape” well books are indeed my escape but these things are not boring. I just call them boring because I don’t get to do all of this. I like to have attention. When people appreciate me for my work, for my strength I like it. I don’t take criticisms really well but I am learning to. I am fairly independent yet not so independent. I fight my own battles yet I like someone to be around just to listen to me. I might say I am okay even when I am not but then I will tell you everything that bothers me if you say you have time to listen to me when I ask “do you have time? Can I rant a little?” 
I know I can manage everything in life because I have been doing that. But that doesn’t negate my needs and desires which I often mock at just to make myself feel comfortable. I am a needy girl but I won’t accept this fact. 
4. I think I’ll make it anyway.
Despite 1,2,3 I still think I can make it because I do have the best people in life. I do have the best of books to depend on. I do have an amazing family and career and teachers. Romance is not everything I am told. Maybe someday I will start living without the desire for romance because trust me rest everything I have. 
5. Why are you reading this? What you shall gain by reading about a girl like me?
You’re reading this because we’re all made of the same stardust and I want you to know that we all have our shortcomings, some we accept, some we don’t. But we all make it anyway. We all are blessed in so many ways even when we all have been broken at one point. Let’s just hold on to our dear ones and twist our lives through because walking straight is not our thing after all these years. 

The Faraway Soul Sisters

Once there were two girls

Girls who were classmates and liked each other.

One had a gang and was popular enough.

The other one was an insecure student with no friends and hence became the teachers’ pet.

She wanted attention. She wanted to be liked by others. She wanted to befriend the popular girl but then she realized she is a misfit and not needed around. She started reading novels for the first time back when she was 15. She never liked novels her mother got for her but read comics. Her attention span was short. She wanted to please people and feel accepted. She was messed up like any 15 year old and lonely. It took her sometime to befriend her loneliness and turn it into beautiful solitude. That popular girl remained her Faraway friend with whom she shared this really enthusiastic HI whenever they met. 

Years pass by, both graduated from school and went to Delhi University. Coincidentally both joined girls’ college (different ones of course) and incidentally remained in touch after school. They met each other once or twice an year, had quality time and wished each other a happy birthday on calls. You know that’s a big deal in today’s time. Eventually they both became mutual admirers of each other. 

They both were Faraway Soul Sisters. They did not know. 

One fine day, they just start talking regularly and for some strange reason both go on a journey of self discovery. They both indulged in deep life talks and absolute shit too but it was all too good to be true.

The point is that humans evolve. The popular girl embarked on a journey where she evolved as an art and the other one became partially mature but mostly angry young ambitchious woman. Both are insecure. Both look forward to self discovery. And they are in this journey together in the present moment but they are not sure how long their companionship will last but sometimes there are moments you feel that these two are Faraway Soul Sisters who are as messed up as those crazy crows that flow. Yes flow. It’s not a typo. The sentence doesn’t make sense to make sense of the point you see. I don’t know how to end this blog post so I will go by saying

“Mac and Cheese is the greatest invention of all times.”

Bye!

P.S. Thank you for being my Faraway Soul Sister.
To my dear Readers, I am sorry to disappoint you with such a weird ending but you see now movies are open ended so why can’t blog posts be 😉