My relationship with coffee is eternal.
On my good days, it’s mere existence is sufficient while on bad days, I crave to die in the sea of coffee being embraced by its warmth. Sometimes I wish it could hug.
I have been wanting to have a cup of coffee at Perch, in Khan Market for approximately two years now and I was waiting to go there on a very special day with a special person. That was the place I had in my mind where I wanted to have my first romantic date with the best coffee in town. Little did I know that I would end up romancing the coffee because as that cream touch my lips, it’s perfect like first kiss with a lover. My friends often tell me that I romance the idea of first kiss way too much and practically, it’s unexpected and messy and not as beautiful as you write it in your fantasies but then who would know? Fantasies do come true when you just start living the fantasy.
It was a romantic date. With coffee.
And a special person with whom I shared some moments of laughter. I don’t think I can romance real people while having kissing scenes with coffee.
Here’s to a beautiful coffee. And a beautiful human bearing with a crazy girl with Disney fantasies in life.
Dear beautiful human,
My love for you is weirdly insane, in those winks and in those tickles and in those high fives where creativity meets with professionalism and in those sleepy eyes to high giggles, in those flat note songs and lame jokes. Let’s walk together, laughing at the craziness life is and just swing around the yellow line at the platform. Thank you for borrowing time because time is always borrowed and premium is paid in memories that stay.
I have been pretty dormant with writing lately because I felt that my writings were getting repetitive and there was a loss of craft. One should stop writing when you know you’re not writing anything new or unique.
I don’t write fictional. I write what I feel, I write about the people I meet, I write about daily routine things that go around me and how I feel about them and package it for you to read them. And I have people in my life who validate that maybe someday I could be a writer but you know one should always be critical of themselves in order to learn and grow.
I remember being called as the “Happiness In-charge” in my group of friends because I didn’t care about the world. I used to do my own thing and be happy always. I remember being in depression and coming out of it on my own because I never stopped believing the beauty of the universe. I remember being a child always with maturity of a headstrong woman you would be afraid to mess with. But then I grew up.
I started feeling the need to be an adult when I turned 21. I remember thinking about life seriously. I remember letting insecurities take birth. I remember not being impulsive anymore. I remember not following my heart because it didn’t seem like a rational thing to do. I was being told that you need to grow up and be an adult but then I have realized that being an adult is tough when you let the kid inside you lock up and ask it to shut up. That’s where the kid gets sad and lonely and insecure that it affects your ability to be a successful adult. We are not born to follow a certain path that the society has expectations from us to follow. I have played my life safely throughout yet I remember taking risks wherever I could and being a happy being.
As time went by, my insecurities increased, I went into an abyss of self doubt, uncertainty scared me and future worried me. I forgot to live in the moment. I remember taking myself out on dates and I remember not needing any company to enjoy my time. I remember being called “the solitary bird” who could not care less and yet loved so deeply that everyone who came my way, smiled.
I happen to write this today because I took myself out on a date after ages and I met the girl who I had lost in the process of growing up. It’s not the time that’s passing by, it’s you and I.
Life becomes beautifully simple and easy to handle only if we stop seeking love outside and become love that we are. I forgot to love myself in between the time I was busy learning to grow up and behave like an adult. I can ace my research papers and career while I can enjoy Disney movies and sipping hot chocolate and be fit too because I love who I am and who I am becoming. And yes companionship is beautiful but if you don’t get it, doesn’t mean you have to be sad. I have been a part of quite a few toxic friendships and relationships but that does not mean I stop believing in the beauty and power of love. Time waits for none. Happiness seems scary but it’s pretty like the winter mornings.
Winters bring hope and warmth in life. Let’s bask in the morning sun and smile because that is what really matters.
Have a good day and take yourself out on a date. It’s quite fun. 😉
Till next time!
1. Inner peace is not over-rated.
You know what. I am having an existential crisis. And I am the independent girl you would like to call when you are in crisis. I have always thought meditation and looking for peace is over rated. Trust me it is not. Yes I do feel awkward sitting by myself trying to chant “Om Shanti Om, I am a peaceful soul.” Because clearly I am not. I try to calm my demons every now and then and there they are dancing around fire ignoring my attempts for serenity and laughing right back at me and when I get exhausted, I enjoy their company. Let inner peace take a backseat.
2. Comfortably Numb.
This feeling of being comfortably numb is as addictive as coffee. One just craves to be there if you’re going either way. Happiness comes with *Conditions Apply. And when moving on towards sadness, comfortably numb is an alluring destination. We don’t realize that there’s no destination in life, it is a journey with stations to stop by. But you know I keep missing my trains often.
3. I am a needy girl but I won’t accept this fact.
I am a normal girl (well not exactly normal). I want a good career. I like to be independent but at the same time, I have the same dreams like any stereotypical girl, that I often judge. I do crave having a relationship. I do wish for a guy to pamper me with clichéd romantic gestures. I do wish to have a perfect relationship with my girlfriends, have nightouts, pajama parties, sleep overs and gossip sessions. Instead I hide behind this statement, “I find all of this boring, reading books is my escape” well books are indeed my escape but these things are not boring. I just call them boring because I don’t get to do all of this. I like to have attention. When people appreciate me for my work, for my strength I like it. I don’t take criticisms really well but I am learning to. I am fairly independent yet not so independent. I fight my own battles yet I like someone to be around just to listen to me. I might say I am okay even when I am not but then I will tell you everything that bothers me if you say you have time to listen to me when I ask “do you have time? Can I rant a little?”
I know I can manage everything in life because I have been doing that. But that doesn’t negate my needs and desires which I often mock at just to make myself feel comfortable. I am a needy girl but I won’t accept this fact.
4. I think I’ll make it anyway.
Despite 1,2,3 I still think I can make it because I do have the best people in life. I do have the best of books to depend on. I do have an amazing family and career and teachers. Romance is not everything I am told. Maybe someday I will start living without the desire for romance because trust me rest everything I have.
5. Why are you reading this? What you shall gain by reading about a girl like me?
You’re reading this because we’re all made of the same stardust and I want you to know that we all have our shortcomings, some we accept, some we don’t. But we all make it anyway. We all are blessed in so many ways even when we all have been broken at one point. Let’s just hold on to our dear ones and twist our lives through because walking straight is not our thing after all these years.
Coffee is something that is necessary for adult life. It’s a beautiful and necessary addiction. My mother often scolds me for having too much coffee but the thing is you can never have too much coffee like you can never have too many books. It’s a drink for work, for deadline completion, for exams, for leisure, for bonding with new people you meet. It’s a drink that serves purpose. It is a drink that helps us pretend that we have a purpose in life. And it’s tasty.
So when my mother tells me not to have coffee because it interferes with my reproductive organs, I do listen to her occasionally. I did change mindless addiction of 6 cups a day to 2 cups or maximum 3 cups a day but the thing is I cannot abandon this lovely drink. The thing is I don’t want to abandon this lovely drink. I haven’t had my first kiss because I am always busy kissing coffee mugs with my favourite book with me. Dear coffee, you’re the only true love in my life. Thank you for your existence.
Sitting by the window in Coffee Home, aroma of coffee builds a cloud of stories around me. As I gaze outside mesmerised by the foggy weather I see the poor children playing outside in the cold with dirt on them but they were free and had smiles on their faces. The cold didn’t seem to bother them during their play. Fearless birds they seem, purely living in the moment and enjoying life.
When I shift my eyes inside the big coffee home I find people running, debating, having meetings. Someone finalised a deal and headed for the door. With about more than 50 people around me, I was there sitting with coffee, my bag and my book that I was supposed to read in peace but couldn’t because I was busy reading real stories. Some came with family, some came with friends. A few were aloof like me sitting in corners looking around, actually reading books, and watching people. What striked me the most was the fact that even though people had company but still they were hooked up to their phones for long durations. I saw a family waiting for their order to arrive and there was a kid who wasn’t having a supposedly smartphone and was looking here and there because his family members were busy on their phones. Thankfully, I wasn’t, which I used to be and even continue to be sometimes, but wasn’t on that particular moment, and I guess I made a friend by making stupid faces and having fun with the kid. He was really cute and fair and had big black eyes through which he communicated. He looked like one of those babies in commercials. I wish to see that kid again. Something interesting striked me when I thought about it, what if we only used expressions to communicate. Silently expressing ourselves and just be. At the same time my love for words said something else. I guess I was just cooking up scenarios that could have made the world a better place. Coffee home is one of the places to know about humans. Humans like us who are different in some way. That day I saw a group of college friends hanging out looking for some cheap food and making noises and having fun and cribbing about being broke, it was a lovely sight though it gave me chills. Some love birds were too busy in themselves but if you happen to listen to their conversations you’ll find funny and quirky stories. It was a delight watching these people and reading their stories. By the time my coffee got finished I had a smile on my face and watery eyes. How amusing is life!