Letters and Diaries

Today I spilled ink on my diary while writing this piece and it made this look even more beautiful. Sometimes it is okay to mess things up, it is okay to let the ink spill, let the tears fall and let laughter echo through the life of us because these are the things making it real, raw, and unique. Through the spillovers masterpieces take birth.

Letters and Diaries

Letters and Diaries are so precious. They are the most beautiful form of human emotions. Practically, they are just non living things with strings of words put together but they always connect to you in ways that make you feel life in exquisite forms. They are nothing but ink and paper lying on the table with some words that are just written on them and yet they are so full of life, stories, people, and a rollercoaster of emotions altogether. They are as alive and as dead as we may feel while reading them or writing them. It’s funny how letters and diaries are just like life and death at the same time.

I will come for you tonight in my diary while waiting for your letter.

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And my weapon.

It was raining when you looked me in the eye. Your presence makes me feel the best and the worst about myself. You are beautiful in peculiar ways. You are not handsome. You are not good looking either. You are just you who makes me feel things that I can’t really comprehend. I have loved you and I continue you to love you so much. But we are not meant to be, can you see it? I have been seeing it for the longest time and there is terrible looking thing called hope in between us binding us through invisible threads of time. But I see them breaking, one atom at a time. It is scary so as to how much I want to feel your heart thump against my ear and how much I want to choke you with my hands and let go of your love.
Whenever I said that you have hurt me, all you said was that it was just a bit of love. Darling does love hurts? I have been told that only allowing you in the walls of the temple will hurt and there’ll be river of red flowing but there are oceans of saline water creating waves while the heart bleeds nothing but love.

The ones who love us really know how to hurt us.

We are closer than ever yet so far apart.
I am lost in this Galaxy, don’t try to find me. I will be the star burning so bright that the light will be the cause of the death. Darkness is my prey.

And love, my weapon.

Let’s make it a little happy

Dear Readers,

I don’t know if you are experiencing it or not but I have seen a lot of negativity being spread around for no good reason. Yes, there are issues that we need to talk about and address, however, I feel that with easy access to social media and in the name of freedom of expression, we get to hear a lot of unnecessary noise which is not so positive. Our ancestors have been teaching us this quote that if you can’t say something nice, keep quiet. However, I have seen people lose their patience, tolerance, and rationality while expressing their thoughts. Everyone has a right to speak and I have no issues with that. It’s just that when we say negative things or discuss them, they look magnified. I am a person who likes to believe in the goodness of the people and also imagines a world to be a fairy tale. It gets really hard for me to accept negativity which often makes me see things differently than they are. I am so much in love with the idea of love and beautiful fantasies and happy things that I get extremely sensitive and upset about a lot of real things. I will see the dark things that exist with a silver lining and honestly, this belief of mine has worked for me. Only those experience magic who believe in it. So right now, I am pretty distracted. I have my exams from tomorrow, I have a lot of syllabi to cover, but I want to write this blog right now because it is important to share some positivity. Here I am posting random happy quotes and pictures and cartoons picked up from Google.

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And that my friends were some light for all of you.

Stay strong.

And listen to happy songs.

So much love to all.

Fairy Tales

There she was, sitting by the window

Listening to the fairy tales her mother told her.

She would watch the birds and become one of them.

There she was, listening to Harry Potter and pictured herself as Ginny falling for Harry at the age of 12.

There she was, watching Disney princess movies

She thought of herself as the princess.

Her dad made her the princess in real life.

There she was, being Hermoine in her 12th. She became one for real.

There she was, being Mitchie from Camp Rock in her graduation. She became one. “This is me” became her favorite song.

There she was, falling for a guy and getting her heart broken. She turned to Geet from Jab We Met.

She is her own favorite person. A broken heart makes her smile even more.

There she was, growing up, becoming a woman,

She became a warrior princess instead. She fought her battles. Won some. Lost some. She remained the princess nonetheless.

She again fell in love and created a fairy tale.

She pictured her favorite love story with the guy she loved.

She sees the reality. Knows fairy tales don’t really exist. Yet she lives in one.

Her life has always been a fairy tale even when it was not.

She is a fairy tale.

She is her own fairy. She has a world of her own.

Who says fairy tales aren’t real? They are.

For her.

All she did was to dream one.

When I was a Traveller in my own city

Delhi, my city. 

Dilli, ishq hai.

I have always wanted to explore Delhi for the longest time but when you’re in your own city, you don’t explore the beauty of it because there’s always assignment to be submitted, work to be done, and sleep to catch upon. After years of trying to get someone to accompany me to be a Traveller in my own city, I was blessed to come across a beautiful human being who was willing to give in to the wishes of a girl like me and it was a date. When we use the word date, we often expect romance, however there was something beyond romance in this date and that cannot be put into words. How do you put across sharing stories close to you in appropriate words, what are we if not stories?

Delhi has a soul which many people don’t explore. Visiting a monument and reading about it’s history in the lush green Mughal Gardens and then having a silent reading meet in the sun is a perfect way to spend time with someone in my world.

Delhi is too good to be true in winters. 

There’re a lot of things I realized today. After spending time as a traveller I met a friend of mine who flew from London to spend sometime home and if I could sum up my time with her, it would be that in life sometimes you come across people who are not people but home. 

Dear universe, 

Thank you for making me feel blessed and loved. And I wish that all my readers find home. There’s nothing better than some soul filling conversations and hugs while the winter breeze flows through the hair as we walk through lonely lit roads in areas of Delhi which feel like another world. 

To love and life. 

It is not the time that is passing by, it is you and I. 

Hello readers,

I have been pretty dormant with writing lately because I felt that my writings were getting repetitive and there was a loss of craft. One should stop writing when you know you’re not writing anything new or unique. 

I don’t write fictional. I write what I feel, I write about the people I meet, I write about daily routine things that go around me and how I feel about them and package it for you to read them. And I have people in my life who validate that maybe someday I could be a writer but you know one should always be critical of themselves in order to learn and grow. 

I remember being called as the “Happiness In-charge” in my group of friends because I didn’t care about the world. I used to do my own thing and be happy always. I remember being in depression and coming out of it on my own because I never stopped believing the beauty of the universe. I remember being a child always with maturity of a headstrong woman you would be afraid to mess with. But then I grew up. 

I started feeling the need to be an adult when I turned 21. I remember thinking about life seriously. I remember letting insecurities take birth. I remember not being impulsive anymore. I remember not following my heart because it didn’t seem like a rational thing to do. I was being told that you need to grow up and be an adult but then I have realized that being an adult is tough when you let the kid inside you lock up and ask it to shut up. That’s where the kid gets sad and lonely and insecure that it affects your ability to be a successful adult. We are not born to follow a certain path that the society has expectations from us to follow. I have played my life safely throughout yet I remember taking risks wherever I could and being a happy being. 

As time went by, my insecurities increased, I went into an abyss of self doubt, uncertainty scared me and future worried me. I forgot to live in the moment. I remember taking myself out on dates and I remember not needing any company to enjoy my time. I remember being called “the solitary bird” who could not care less and yet loved so deeply that everyone who came my way, smiled. 

I happen to write this today because I took myself out on a date after ages and I met the girl who I had lost in the process of growing up. It’s not the time that’s passing by, it’s you and I.

Life becomes beautifully simple and easy to handle only if we stop seeking love outside and become love that we are. I forgot to love myself in between the time I was busy learning to grow up and behave like an adult. I can ace my research papers and career while I can enjoy Disney movies and sipping hot chocolate and be fit too because I love who I am and who I am becoming. And yes companionship is beautiful but if you don’t get it, doesn’t mean you have to be sad. I have been a part of quite a few toxic friendships and relationships but that does not mean I stop believing in the beauty and power of love. Time waits for none. Happiness seems scary but it’s pretty like the winter mornings. 

Winters bring hope and warmth in life. Let’s bask in the morning sun and smile because that is what really matters. 

Have a good day and take yourself out on a date. It’s quite fun. 😉
Till next time!

​Can a Soul be Sad and yet not Dark?

Yes. And no. Honestly I do not know. Because souls are beings. They define our very existence. Souls are neither happy nor sad. Souls are just souls. Souls are life and a proof that we are alive to feel the emotions of sadness and happiness. Darkness is an attribute we associate with emotions of sadness, jealousy, envy while happiness, bliss and laughter are the light in our lives but two contradicts can very well coexist. How I cannot explain but you can feel them. Being sad doesn’t make you a dark human or a dark soul because a sad person either gives up on life and commits suicide or he uses his sadness to create art. Art that will be so powerful and passionate that it will make you feel uncomfortable. Dark poets are always celebrated yet criticised. Paradox? Irony? Maybe. Because some things are so intertwined that it’s impossible to pinpoint. Fascinating are those that radiate sunshine through their wounds of hurt and sadness. And divine is this thought that gives meaning to art and life. 
My dear, souls cannot be dark, souls cannot be sad. Souls can only be drunk. How? Ask the Nightingales.

1.2.3.4.5. I think I’ll make it. So shall you. 

1. Inner peace is not over-rated. 
You know what. I am having an existential crisis. And I am the independent girl you would like to call when you are in crisis. I have always thought meditation and looking for peace is over rated. Trust me it is not. Yes I do feel awkward sitting by myself trying to chant “Om Shanti Om, I am a peaceful soul.” Because clearly I am not. I try to calm my demons every now and then and there they are dancing around fire ignoring my attempts for serenity and laughing right back at me and when I get exhausted, I enjoy their company. Let inner peace take a backseat. 
2. Comfortably Numb.
This feeling of being comfortably numb is as addictive as coffee. One just craves to be there if you’re going either way. Happiness comes with *Conditions Apply. And when moving on towards sadness, comfortably numb is an alluring destination. We don’t realize that there’s no destination in life, it is a journey with stations to stop by. But you know I keep missing my trains often. 
3. I am a needy girl but I won’t accept this fact. 
I am a normal girl (well not exactly normal). I want a good career. I like to be independent but at the same time, I have the same dreams like any stereotypical girl, that I often judge. I do crave having a relationship. I do wish for a guy to pamper me with clichéd romantic gestures. I do wish to have a perfect relationship with my girlfriends, have nightouts, pajama parties, sleep overs and gossip sessions. Instead I hide behind this statement, “I find all of this boring, reading books is my escape” well books are indeed my escape but these things are not boring. I just call them boring because I don’t get to do all of this. I like to have attention. When people appreciate me for my work, for my strength I like it. I don’t take criticisms really well but I am learning to. I am fairly independent yet not so independent. I fight my own battles yet I like someone to be around just to listen to me. I might say I am okay even when I am not but then I will tell you everything that bothers me if you say you have time to listen to me when I ask “do you have time? Can I rant a little?” 
I know I can manage everything in life because I have been doing that. But that doesn’t negate my needs and desires which I often mock at just to make myself feel comfortable. I am a needy girl but I won’t accept this fact. 
4. I think I’ll make it anyway.
Despite 1,2,3 I still think I can make it because I do have the best people in life. I do have the best of books to depend on. I do have an amazing family and career and teachers. Romance is not everything I am told. Maybe someday I will start living without the desire for romance because trust me rest everything I have. 
5. Why are you reading this? What you shall gain by reading about a girl like me?
You’re reading this because we’re all made of the same stardust and I want you to know that we all have our shortcomings, some we accept, some we don’t. But we all make it anyway. We all are blessed in so many ways even when we all have been broken at one point. Let’s just hold on to our dear ones and twist our lives through because walking straight is not our thing after all these years. 

Dear You

Dear you, 
There’ll be days when you won’t feel fine and everything around you will stop making sense and there’ll be things that you need to get done but your body will protest, your mind will go stressed and your heart will feel exhausted. You’d want to be alone and nothing will make you happy. On days like these, think about roses that bloom in the garden with lush red petals which is often the color of love and lust. Think about how this one rose sets everything right when you give it to your loved ones despite having thorns in it. Your index finger often bleeds when you touch the rose but the soft gentle feel of the petals and the fragrance still makes you smile. On days like these, find a soul like that of rose which makes you smile even when it hurts. And soul doesn’t mean you need to find a human. Books, music, even rooms have souls. Just hold on to that soul for some moments and let the universe speak to you in silence. In silence, we all are one and you’re not alone. Those days turn around and smile back at you bidding farewell to the feeling of not being fine.