1. Inner peace is not over-rated.
You know what. I am having an existential crisis. And I am the independent girl you would like to call when you are in crisis. I have always thought meditation and looking for peace is over rated. Trust me it is not. Yes I do feel awkward sitting by myself trying to chant “Om Shanti Om, I am a peaceful soul.” Because clearly I am not. I try to calm my demons every now and then and there they are dancing around fire ignoring my attempts for serenity and laughing right back at me and when I get exhausted, I enjoy their company. Let inner peace take a backseat.
2. Comfortably Numb.
This feeling of being comfortably numb is as addictive as coffee. One just craves to be there if you’re going either way. Happiness comes with *Conditions Apply. And when moving on towards sadness, comfortably numb is an alluring destination. We don’t realize that there’s no destination in life, it is a journey with stations to stop by. But you know I keep missing my trains often.
3. I am a needy girl but I won’t accept this fact.
I am a normal girl (well not exactly normal). I want a good career. I like to be independent but at the same time, I have the same dreams like any stereotypical girl, that I often judge. I do crave having a relationship. I do wish for a guy to pamper me with clichéd romantic gestures. I do wish to have a perfect relationship with my girlfriends, have nightouts, pajama parties, sleep overs and gossip sessions. Instead I hide behind this statement, “I find all of this boring, reading books is my escape” well books are indeed my escape but these things are not boring. I just call them boring because I don’t get to do all of this. I like to have attention. When people appreciate me for my work, for my strength I like it. I don’t take criticisms really well but I am learning to. I am fairly independent yet not so independent. I fight my own battles yet I like someone to be around just to listen to me. I might say I am okay even when I am not but then I will tell you everything that bothers me if you say you have time to listen to me when I ask “do you have time? Can I rant a little?”
I know I can manage everything in life because I have been doing that. But that doesn’t negate my needs and desires which I often mock at just to make myself feel comfortable. I am a needy girl but I won’t accept this fact.
4. I think I’ll make it anyway.
Despite 1,2,3 I still think I can make it because I do have the best people in life. I do have the best of books to depend on. I do have an amazing family and career and teachers. Romance is not everything I am told. Maybe someday I will start living without the desire for romance because trust me rest everything I have.
5. Why are you reading this? What you shall gain by reading about a girl like me?
You’re reading this because we’re all made of the same stardust and I want you to know that we all have our shortcomings, some we accept, some we don’t. But we all make it anyway. We all are blessed in so many ways even when we all have been broken at one point. Let’s just hold on to our dear ones and twist our lives through because walking straight is not our thing after all these years.
Posts tagged ‘poetry’
Image Source: DeviantArt
Poets, musicians, and Harry Potter talk about love and friendships and life being all about it. We make so many promises to others and to us. I don’t feel like writing poems anymore yet I want to write. I feel that we all are same individuals going through same things and making the same promises and breaking the same promises. Poets come down to the same theme, writers, in the end, come down to explaining the same things in the end and life quotes on Pinterest all tell the same thing. Yet they all are different and unique in their ideas, and way of expression. Self-help books and videos of TED talks does not really tell anything new. They all tell the things we already know but don’t register and forget. Everyone says that it is okay to not have a plan and everyone wants to have a plan in life so that they succeed and get what they seek and yet unplanned things turn out to be the best things that happen to us in life. Of Promises that we make to ourselves and to others and I wonder how many we are able to fulfill because promises change with time and they evolve like we do. It is said that one cannot change the belief system of an individual easily but did you know that our minds are so malleable only that we do not allow and use the malleability feature. I am very stubborn myself. Poetry they say is an art and I agree it is but when I read poems, they all seem simple and something that anyone could write but the fact remains that there will be only one Rumi, one Gulzar, one Shakespeare, one Mir, one Basho and only one Mirza Ghalib. And it is extremely difficult for me to identify my style. Every writer has a style of writing and they know and everybody around them knows but I am unable to find a particular style of my writings, I have written prose, I have written slam poems, I have written some shaayeri in hindi and urdu too and I have written some tiny tales too. No, I have not written on wars, neither on poverty, nothing about going outside in the world. My poems feature ideas meant for children books, what happens inside my head and love, you see the ones who have not experienced teenage romance, relationships or anything remotely romantic for real write the most about love and now I am tired of that theme as well because it is all beautiful and a garden of roses in fantasy world while in real world, we all are alone in our journeys. I have realized over the years that my family is my true love because when it comes to expressing my love for them in words, I cannot. Words fail me then. I do write things on their birthdays, they always feel incomplete and insufficient to describe the emotions I have. And I often come across as a very selfish human being to many and I won’t deny that. I am selfish like we all are, the only difference is I chose to admit that I am. There’s no such thing as unconditional love in friendships, it is all about mutual love and understanding and acceptance. If you are not prioritizing me, and if I love you, I will put with you for a while and then I will leave when I get fed up and I might act mean too unapologetically. I overperform myself when I am really hurt and I can be the laziest girl on my best days. Not many people understand or put up with me and neither do I. If I do not like you I will make sure that you know that I don’t like you and if I do, I will kill you with my over affection. I cannot do things in moderation as we are taught. I work too much when I do or I don’t work at all. I do not know how to be in balance. My ideas of life are too extreme and too much childlike. I am overambitious and laidback. I am hardworking and lazy. Yes, I am the best sort of weirdly wired paradox.
Why did I start writing this and what was the whole damn point of digressing so much? I don’t know why I started writing. Maybe because my mind was too full of thoughts and I just wanted to clear it all out in order to start working on my research report whose submission is due next week and I have to write about 10000 words full of academic ideas on one single topic.
I don’t know whether you like my blog or not, but then if you are reading it till here, you must have liked it. I just want to thank you for sparing time to read rantings of a girl with a confused mind who thinks she sees things clearly. I hope you have a good day. I should go back to the routine of working and academic writing which will not provide me satisfaction like this but it will definitely help me get a degree. See you until another impulse comes to write a poem or something like this.
Poetry, I discovered poetry in my first year of college. I always used to write a diary as a kid and often rhymed unintentionally, but college made me realise I could write and that has been one of the most amazing discoveries of my life ever because that’s how everything changed. We are all born artists, it’s just that we need to realise, and we have been doing poetry ever since we came into this world.
A child who babbles is a poet, creating tunes like “aaaababababa” or gurgling or just laughing, it does sound like music, right? Well, kids cry too but that’s a rant if you see, they don’t have the vocabulary to rant so they cry. But slowly this “inbuilt poetry” is taken away from us. We are taught nursery rhymes which we memorise but we don’t know the stories behind them. Do you know the story behind the Humpty Dumpty?
“Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,
Humpty-Dumpty had a great fall;
All the king’s horses and all the king’s men
Couldn’t put Humpty together again.”
Humpty Dumpty is a canon ball used in English Civil War and this poem refers to this. For the complete story, figure out yourself. I just wanted to plant a seed of curiosity.
But as we grow up, our education system gives us direction towards science, maths, history, economics and other academic subjects. A child feels accepted when he or she is good at mathematics and hobbies like singing, dancing, poetry, painting are appreciated but they are not properly encouraged from a career point of view but what I believe is that one can truly be happy if he or she earns a living out of his passion for life.
To quote Robin Williams
“We don’t read and write poetry because it’s cute. We read and write poetry because we are members of the human race. And the human race is filled with passion. And medicine, law, business, engineering, these are noble pursuits and necessary to sustain life. But poetry, beauty, romance, love, these are what we stay alive for.”
It is often said that a man turns into a poet when he is in love because darling, loving is our basic nature and when are in love, we are connected with the universe and our soul feels alive and poetry flows like the river flows from mountains to the sea and that poetry is pristine. I started writing poetry when I fell in love with the idea of love and I have written some really cheesy poetry and I could not really evaluate its content and emotions until I came out of that dreamy phase, some were nice, some were sweet, some were profound and some were just, well, let’s just not discuss them. I was naive and sentimental and can be allowed to sound a little mental.Poetry is like a flowing wave, you don’t write poetry, it comes to you. And sometimes you do write just for the sake of it or because you have to write it for a purpose but poetry is beautiful when written drunk and natural because then it is just an outlet of emotions and all emotions are sinless even when they talk about sin. It is extremely necessary to read and listen to poetry when you start writing poetry because only then you understand the difference between writing for yourself and writing for others and for recognition as a poet. And it is good to be critical about one’s own self, given the fact today we have platforms to express, and to be honest, people are writing anything and everything and even getting appreciation which often gets to their heads and in the process, the beauty and the craft is lost.
This World Poetry Day, read something beautiful and if you have not read any poems before, start with Ruskin Bond I would say because he would charm you with his simplicity and will take you on a dreamy breezy ride and then my friends it would be hard for you to come back from his beautiful world. And if you are a poet and poetry lover, well I need not say anything, just find me and we will together share some time and create poetry of our own and let not the time pass by.
Seize the Day.
IT ISN’T TIME THAT’S PASSING
Remember the long ago when we lay together
In a pain of tenderness and counted
Our dreams: long summer afternoons
When the whistling-thrush released
A deep sweet secret on the trembling air;
Blackbird on the wing, bird of the forest shadows,
Black rose in the long ago summer,
This was your song:
It isn’t time that’s passing by,
It is you and I.
I was never a person who would read multiple books because I had problems keeping a track. I have realised that it is in my own hands to take care of my concentration power. Recently I have had phases where I experienced Writers Block and Readers Block. To say that I am out of both is wrong, not entirely though. I have been writing but it’s majorly random scribbles like this one where all I talk about is daily mundane stuff but since it generates certain emotions and hence it is here. I can not write until and unless I feel something. It’s been 10 days since I have isolated myself from being a social butterfly and focusing on my growth. I have never been able to figure out whether I am an extrovert or an introvert. You may call me an Ambivert but someone told me that you’re either an introvert or an extrovert, there’s no in between but I see shades of grey and not the black and white of the things. However, this statement has got me thinking. What conclusion I have got, I have no clue. The thing is that ever since I am in a shell of my own, I have been ambitious and relaxed, I am such a paradox. Am I focusing too much on myself? Maybe. But who doesn’t. Everyone cares about themselves first.
In these 10 days, I have took to too much reading (woah.. alliteration)
I have been reading multiple books, two novels, various short stories by different authors, an epic called MahaBharata, poetry and ofcourse my text books and strangely, I have been able to keep a track of everything and my dreams are a mixture of all of them and I don’t know where I am heading but I am just loving everything. Without focusing on virtual conversations, I meet people in real and love to listen to them share things. I feel really glad that people find me trustworthy and share their things with me, listening to people gives me different perspectives. However with my best friends I force them to listen to me, you see, I talk a lot too. There’s a friend of mine who often tries to lecture me and I tell her that dude shut up, I am not listening to you but I sometimes wish I did. Apart from reading, I have been watching a lot of new shows and listening to music and I like it here. Peaceful, calm and lovable. Life feels worth it. But why am I sharing it all here if I am happy in my shell? You see, I haven’t talked much recently and I like to talk right now. So I thank all my readers for reading this because I have seen that all those posts which I don’t edit and just publish connect more because deep down we all are one. I may not know you but I might connect to you and we might interact someday and you could be my dear friend. Would you like it? I would. 😀
I stood still
Moments went by
I saw them fly
In moonlit sky.
Here I stand
On the threshold of life
For one last time.