Serendipitous Musings

Posts tagged ‘relationships’

I have to let go.

How many times does it happen in life that we get attached. I am a person who gets attached very easily. I am attached to memories, places, books and most dangerous of all, people. Even though I read a lot and even though I am extremely well read about things in life, success, failure, loss, love, art, poetry and attachments and the art of letting go, the law of attraction and maintaining a balanced life. I am only human and I often fail at managing my emotions, I am the kind of girl who has been blessed with great career opportunities, amazing teachers, wonderful family and loving and supporting friends but I fail at relationships. I am not the kind of girl who plays the game of “hard to get”, I am an extremely straightforward and often confused person because my moral system says something else and my wishes often collide with my moral upbringing. I am an old soul in this new age. I love too much when I happen to love and that somehow ends up in hurt because the universe doesn’t like for me to be in love. When I graduated, it was so hard for me to let go of my college campus, almost every month I went back to my college just to sit under “my tree” where I finished reading so many novels over three years of graduation. I would leave my post grad classes early just to go back to my alma matter and have that cup of caramel coffee. I still haven’t let go of the place where I found myself, where I learnt to write poetry, where I had my first performance on a large scale, where I created so many memories and met so many amazing people. And now I have to let go of my alma matter. I am learning to move on. But you see, I am a slow learner and life wants me to be a little quick, it is making me part with a very dear friend and letting go has never been this tough. As we grow up, our attachments grow stronger and as we grow up, a lot of people leave. Some leave you for good and some leave you and they teach you a lesson. Some leave only to come back again and when these people come back, you forget that they can leave even now. Saying goodbye once is hard, saying goodbye twice is the hardest thing. But I have to let go now and I have no clue how will I do that but I will, someday.

 

My heart is like a child,

a very delicate child,

it does not know the art to let go,

it only knows hope.

Hope that angels exist.

Hope that love is forever.

It lives in a dream land and does not like when life wakes it up.

My heart wants some sleep, some sweet dreams.

But this child also knows it has to grow up,

it will have to parent itself.

It will have to let go.

It will have to let go.

I have to let go.

Anymore. Not anymore. 

Dreams that together we saw.Memories that we created, stand raw.

I don’t want you anymore. 

I would rather walk alone.
Lips that once quivered at your touch, now are dry.

Eyes that shone when you smiled, now often cry.

I don’t want you anymore. 

I would rather walk alone. 
Your hands on my bare back sent chills down my spine,

When we shared romantic moments over red wine. 

All is slowly fading away.

My heart is slowly closing its way, for you..

Where you once lived. 

Where I felt alive.

It’s tiring now. 

I can’t do it anymore. 

I don’t want you anymore.

Dart Game

You.
You will never understand.
I am like Snape.
Good character or a bad character you won’t know because I am grey.
I have shades of grey with hues of red that mix with blues and purples and pinks and you see the color silver.
Silver that got oxidised n you don’t understand the change.
That’s what I am.
You.
You will not know the emotions that are hidden deep because as a child becomes quiet and hides in a dark room such are my emotions.
Have you seen a dart board?
And you know you suck at dart game.
I am that. I will make you feel useless by being that dart game.
But once you hit the centre..
I
Will
Love
You
The
Way
I
Did.

It’s upto you.