Maunder

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Image Source: DeviantArt

Poets, musicians, and Harry Potter talk about love and friendships and life being all about it. We make so many promises to others and to us. I don’t feel like writing poems anymore yet I want to write. I feel that we all are same individuals going through same things and making the same promises and breaking the same promises. Poets come down to the same theme, writers, in the end, come down to explaining the same things in the end and life quotes on Pinterest all tell the same thing. Yet they all are different and unique in their ideas, and way of expression. Self-help books and videos of TED talks does not really tell anything new. They all tell the things we already know but don’t register and forget. Everyone says that it is okay to not have a plan and everyone wants to have a plan in life so that they succeed and get what they seek and yet unplanned things turn out to be the best things that happen to us in life. Of Promises that we make to ourselves and to others and I wonder how many we are able to fulfill because promises change with time and they evolve like we do. It is said that one cannot change the belief system of an individual easily but did you know that our minds are so malleable only that we do not allow and use the malleability feature. I am very stubborn myself. Poetry they say is an art and I agree it is but when I read poems, they all seem simple and something that anyone could write but the fact remains that there will be only one Rumi, one Gulzar, one Shakespeare, one Mir, one Basho and only one Mirza Ghalib. And it is extremely difficult for me to identify my style. Every writer has a style of writing and they know and everybody around them knows but I am unable to find a particular style of my writings, I have written prose, I have written slam poems, I have written some shaayeri in hindi and urdu too and I have written some tiny tales too. No, I have not written on wars, neither on poverty, nothing about going outside in the world. My poems feature ideas meant for children books, what happens inside my head and love, you see the ones who have not experienced teenage romance, relationships or anything remotely romantic for real write the most about love and now I am tired of that theme as well because it is all beautiful and a garden of roses in fantasy world while in real world, we all are alone in our journeys. I have realized over the years that my family is my true love because when it comes to expressing my love for them in words, I cannot. Words fail me then. I do write things on their birthdays, they always feel incomplete and insufficient to describe the emotions I have. And I often come across as a very selfish human being to many and I won’t deny that. I am selfish like we all are, the only difference is I chose to admit that I am. There’s no such thing as unconditional love in friendships, it is all about mutual love and understanding and acceptance. If you are not prioritizing me, and if I love you, I will put with you for a while and then I will leave when I get fed up and I might act mean too unapologetically. I overperform myself when I am really hurt and I can be the laziest girl on my best days. Not many people understand or put up with me and neither do I. If I do not like you I will make sure that you know that I don’t like you and if I do, I will kill you with my over affection. I cannot do things in moderation as we are taught. I work too much when I do or I don’t work at all. I do not know how to be in balance. My ideas of life are too extreme and too much childlike. I am overambitious and laidback. I am hardworking and lazy. Yes, I am the best sort of weirdly wired paradox.

Why did I start writing this and what was the whole damn point of digressing so much? I don’t know why I started writing. Maybe because my mind was too full of thoughts and I just wanted to clear it all out in order to start working on my research report whose submission is due next week and I have to write about 10000 words full of academic ideas on one single topic.

Dear readers,

I don’t know whether you like my blog or not, but then if you are reading it till here, you must have liked it. I just want to thank you for sparing time to read rantings of a girl with a confused mind who thinks she sees things clearly. I hope you have a good day. I should go back to the routine of working and academic writing which will not provide me satisfaction like this but it will definitely help me get a degree. See you until another impulse comes to write a poem or something like this.

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Let’s just be.

I was never a person who would read multiple books because I had problems keeping a track. I have realised that it is in my own hands to take care of my concentration power. Recently I have had phases where I experienced Writers Block and Readers Block. To say that I am out of both is wrong, not entirely though. I have been writing but it’s majorly random scribbles like this one where all I talk about is daily mundane stuff but since it generates certain emotions and hence it is here. I can not write until and unless I feel something. It’s been 10 days since I have isolated myself from being a social butterfly and focusing on my growth. I have never been able to figure out whether I am an extrovert or an introvert. You may call me an Ambivert but someone told me that you’re either an introvert or an extrovert, there’s no in between but I see shades of grey and not the black and white of the things. However, this statement has got me thinking. What conclusion I have got, I have no clue. The thing is that ever since I am in a shell of my own, I have been ambitious and relaxed, I am such a paradox. Am I focusing too much on myself? Maybe. But who doesn’t. Everyone cares about themselves first.
In these 10 days, I have took to too much reading (woah.. alliteration)
I have been reading multiple books, two novels, various short stories by different authors, an epic called MahaBharata, poetry and ofcourse my text books and strangely, I have been able to keep a track of everything and my dreams are a mixture of all of them and I don’t know where I am heading but I am just loving everything. Without focusing on virtual conversations, I meet people in real and love to listen to them share things. I feel really glad that people find me trustworthy and share their things with me, listening to people gives me different perspectives. However with my best friends I force them to listen to me, you see, I talk a lot too. There’s a friend of mine who often tries to lecture me and I tell her that dude shut up, I am not listening to you but I sometimes wish I did. Apart from reading, I have been watching a lot of new shows and listening to music and I like it here. Peaceful, calm and lovable. Life feels worth it. But why am I sharing it all here if I am happy in my shell? You see, I haven’t talked much recently and I like to talk right now. So I thank all my readers for reading this because I have seen that all those posts which I don’t edit and just publish connect more because deep down we all are one. I may not know you but I might connect to you and we might interact someday and you could be my dear friend. Would you like it? I would. 😀

Turning Point

Hello Readers, I know it’s a bit weird to critically analyse one’s own blog and make a post about it. However, no matter what, here I go.

So, why did I start the blog in the very first place. To be honest, it was fate/coincidence or accident perhaps. It was a result of various discussions with a friend of mine who writes and his writings are supremely awesome or I should say his visions are spectacular.
Anyhow, I created this thing called “euphoricbeing” on 28th March 2014. It’s been almost an year and the actual craze for blogging came into being in the past few weeks, that too because of another friend of mine known as Mr. Awesomeness on WordPress. How I treated this blog in the first months is very different from how I am presently treating it. This blog became my diary and I used to muse here my immature writings, not that I’ve matured now in terms of writing, however, I’m learning. What I have found is that there is neither clarity, nor a specific topic in these write ups. They are primarily musings which are sometimes so beautiful and deep and other times lame and flat. Sometimes I felt it got redundant too, however, I continued posting, even though it was getting repetitive, I knew this fact, however, was not so watchful of it. (Sometimes your heart needs more time to accept what your mind already knows)
a) This blog had just 3 followers till Oct 2014.
b) All three were my friends, and it didn’t matter.
This blog has acted like my diary till now. However, now after making 111 posts, this being my 112th post. I want this post to be a turning point for this blog. Enough of emotions, thoughts, philosophy of life, loneliness, fantasy, getting lost in dreams, love, sensuality, random musings. I wish to make this blog an interesting site to read, not that it wasn’t interesting earlier, just wish to add some spice for a while, because as they say, we should do what we do best, however, it’s okay to deviate and explore. I wish to get out of my comfort zone and start experimenting a little. Hence, this post is open to all sort of feedback: good/bad, both; suggestions and anything and everything. Thanks a ton!
In the end, I would like to thank all my friends, Shiva, Kanika, Aakriti, Varun, Ishan, Bhumika, Ketan, Mitanshi, Aishwarya, Gargi, Shivani, Swati, Niharika, my mom and various others who used to read all my poems and have inspired me and motivated me all the time and continue to do so. Oh God, I so much sound like I’ve won an award or something, so nothing like that. Simply happy and grateful to all! 🙂
Cheers!!!