Soliloquy

It’s been ages since I wrote here or anywhere as a matter of fact. I remember times when I used to post 3-4 poems a day, desperate need to express what I had to say. Then as I began to read more, I started writing less because I always felt that I won’t be able to either structure my idea or convey the emotion or would be adept with the use of words and language and sometimes I would think my writing blogs or poems doesn’t really matter to anyone. Why I started writing a blog? I don’t know if this is the only factor or there are others too but as a child I was always shy and too afraid to express myself but I remember writing diary as a kid. I used to pen down moments of celebrations and days when I used to get scolded. I started writing poetry and blogs when I came to college and began to discover myself and explore the real world on my own. There was identity crisis, who is Neha? A question that scared me and made me think. Now, I have graduated and I am doing my masters, I have an idea of myself and I feel secure. At the same time, I want to evolve as a person. I have only one goal, ie to be someone who is happy herself and who spreads happiness. I remember my professor quoting in our farewell that “Always evaluate your life on two grounds. First, how happy you are with yourself and second, how many people did you make happy.” And I believe that I am learning to live. And since books serve as my oxygen, I have discovered authors and poets who write so beautifully with so much of finesse that I think about ten times before writing a poem nowadays. But at the same time I feel so rich knowing about them and so poor that there’s still so much more to learn. I don’t know why I am posting all of this here because nowadays I write diary only for myself. I don’t feel the need to share my opinions out there because I feel like being a spectator or being in my shell working on myself numbing the pain of problems around because my parents told me that you my dear have all the solutions to your problems and the only thing is to realise the need to let go. 
And since it’s my post in 2017, happy new year. May this year be of learning to let go. 🙂