Travel Diary

Traveling in Delhi- When you’re lost

Delhi is just a dot on India’s map but it is such a vast city that it can get confusing to travel alone.

Delhi is divided into several zones- East Delhi, West Delhi, South Delhi, North Delhi. Delhi shares its east borders with UP and the other three borders with Haryana. Now,  Delhi is well connected by DMRC Metro and DTC buses. We also have Ola and Uber for commuting purposes. But if you are a girl and you travel alone a lot, there are certain tips and tricks if you ever get stuck.

While we have our smartphones with us, there are days we are out of battery and stuck in some place. It is important to keep a hard copy of the Delhi Metro Map in your bag. You can get this map at any of the metro stations very easily. Or you can download it from here- http://www.delhimetrorail.com/zoom_map.aspx

Secondly, you need to save following customer care numbers in your phone-

  1. DMRC Customer Care- 155370
  2. DTC Customer Care- There are different numbers for different zones. You can check here. My advice is that keep this page downloaded in your phone http://delhi.gov.in/wps/wcm/connect/doit_dtc/DTC/Home/Directory

I think this is enough. Whenever you are taking a cab alone or in sharing, make sure to share the details of your cab ride with someone you trust and who is also having enough time to monitor your cab ride.

Thirdly, it is advisable to have a number of one or two trusted cab agents/agency which can give you a transport facility on short notice.

Fourth, be aware of the friends/relatives living nearby the area you are stuck in. Have their contacts handy.

The kit every woman should have for safety-

  1. Chilly spray
  2. Nail Cutter
  3. Stole- There are videos on youtube which teach you how you can use your stole for your safety.

As someone who has traveled into every corner of Delhi over past 6 years, I still won’t say I am an expert but I will say that I am enterprising and it is very important to be enterprising. Ask questions, seek help, use google maps, ask friends who frequently travel in a particular region you are stuck in, it helps if you do your research before taking up every journey. Be aware of several routes, metro maps, and location and also enquire about the area you are traveling to. Avoid if you find it shady. Make your own reference points and places to remember the routes. Most importantly, be aware.

It is advisable that don’t get too comfortable while traveling because when you do get comfortable, you end up falling asleep and missing your station like I do at times. But those are anecdotes for another day and another post.

Also, if you ever get lost or feel like you are being followed, share your live location to a trusted person and also shut down all your music/earphones and reading and just get a sense of a place where you are in. Read signboards and follow them.

Lastly, if none of the above helps, your phone has died, the person you are calling is not picking up the phone, google maps crashed, ola cabs not available. In whichever corner of the city you are, take a rickshaw/auto to the nearest metro station or go to the most popular place/market/gurudwara/temple nearby and then find your way because these places are the safest when you are lost.

I hope this helps. Have a great day.

This post was made because a dear friend lost her way and we all get a bit tensed when our friend is lost so this one is specially dedicated to her and so many other people out there who don’t feel too confident going out alone. I am sure it is difficult but not impossible, it is with time you develop the confidence of traveling on your own. Just be open to the possibilities and the universe and have faith. I am sure you will find your way.

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scribbles · SRK · story

An Open Letter to Shah Rukh Khan

Dearest Shah Rukh Sir,

Over the past so many years, I have written several letters to you in my diary and it has taken a lot of thought and courage to begin writing this open letter, a letter which I am not sure if you are ever going to read but nonetheless here I am finally pouring my heart out on this blog of mine which is more or less my space of speaking my ideas whenever I feel that people around me don’t understand me.

I remember I was in school, during my early teenage years when I first watched DDLJ and fell in love with it and fell in love with you. And since then I have been a big fan of yours. I remember watching DDLJ over and over again. And seeing my love for you and the movie, my father gifted me a CD of Kuch Kuch Hota Hai when he returned from one of his business trips, usually, he would get me chocolates but this one time he got this and I was so so so happy. My family doesn’t own a TV Set, we used to have it but then we sold it off but we have had a computer and we would watch Kuch Kuch Hota Hai, again and again, every day for days at dinner. And I and my mom both would fall in love with you every day.

And Kal Ho Na Ho is one movie which is our movie to watch whenever life gets into a crisis. It could be a big crisis or a small one and we would just watch KHNH for days and sort our issues in life. It is just that one movie which sets our mood right to deal with our issues head-on. That movie plays the role of Aman that you played in our real lives, making things sorted for everyone.

Dear Sir, I am a nerd. I read more than I watch movies, and if I have watched 10 movies so far, 8 of them are yours. Your body of work is so large that I haven’t managed to watch all of it but I have watched most of your movies and I have watched them again and again and again for years. I turn 24 years next month and I have watched DDLJ, DTPH, KHNH, KANK, Dil Se, K3G, Chak De India at least more than 100 times each of them. While others I might have watched once or twice. I have so much love for you that there are occasions when I could be just listening to your songs or watching you on the screen that I blush. Maybe that’s because of my habit of reading that I get completely immersed in the book as well as the movie. When Dear Zindagi came, I felt like Alia’s character at one point in time in my life during my years of college and that movie made me cry and love my life and your look in that movie is your best look so far, I fell in love with you all over again.

Sir, you have so many fans all across the world and whenever I come across one of them and tell them I love you and your work, they get really mad at me when they get to know that I have missed watching a few of your movies but sir, I might have missed a few movies here and there but my love for you is infinite. I absolutely adore the person that you are. I love your award shows, your interviews, your Ted talks, your Instagram profile, the thoughts that you share, the kind of doting father, husband and a person that you are.

I saw a podcast of yours on YouTube and there in the video a small portion of your library was visible and I just felt too elated that my collection also has the same books which were visible. It just made me feel more connected to you to know that you and I are reading the same books.

Sir, I am almost 24 and I haven’t really dated anyone till now because I live in a dreamy world of books, fiction and the romantic movies of yours. Romance for me is synonymous with you and I am sure that it is same for everyone in any generation, not just mine who has watched your movies and loved them. I watch your movies and dream of a fantasy love story of mine even though I have watched each of the above movies so many times that their dialogues are imprinted in my mind. If I revised my syllabus to the extent I revise your movies, I would have topped the university instead of being in top 10 students.

My experience in the department of love has been quite disappointing and then I remember one of the famous lines you quoted in the Anupam Kher Show- “Kabhi kisi ko muqamal jahaan nahi milta, kahi zameen to kahi aasman nhi milta”

To be honest, I am extremely blessed in all other aspects of life and I have so much gratitude for the life and the people I have. I have been in love once and I have loved hard. And the reason I became friends with the guy I loved was that he was one of the biggest SRK fans. That one person who obsessed over you more than I did and we would flirt using all the different dialogues from your movies. We would create a happy bubble and then it would burst because we all get real too.

Not a week goes by when I don’t obsess over you and your songs and your movies. I am sure you have all kinds of crazy fans across the globe and I am just one of them but somehow I hope that you read this letter. I have written several fan mails, sent appreciation msgs on Instagram and have been wishing you a happy birthday every year on all my social media accounts in the hope that someday you will read and get to know about the existence of this crazy fan too.

Dear sir,

You bring so much hope, love and light to my life on all kinds of days- good days, bad days, disappointed in men days, rough days, tough days and what not. You make me believe in dreams and all things beautiful. Your characters are not perfect but they are full of love and that’s what really matters on some days. Thank you for existing and for doing the kind of work you have done over the years and still continue to do.

-A letter from a girl who loves you and loves to live in a dream and hopes that you will read this.

“Agar kisi cheez ko Dil se chaho to poori qaynaat tumhe uss se milaane ki saazish Mei lag jaati hai”

Mai bas chahti hu k aap ye letter padh lo. Bas itna hi.

life · story

Let go of the Middle

It’s about letting go of the middle.

I am on a journey, a journey of making changes in my daily life. And I try to rationalize everything that happens on the outside and how I react on the inside and thereby creating my own reality.

In the past 72 hours, I have understood that it is extremely important to have a good start to the day as well as a happy end to the day because if either of these is not good, it affects the entire ball game of life that happens in the middle of the day.

A negative episode took place day before yesterday, i.e. Monday.  My start was great, yes there were ups and downs throughout the day but since I had an amazing start, my reactions to the downs of the day were subtle and mature rather than getting too affected. Around evening, something happened that I had to be harsh and negative towards one person who was an acquaintance. I dealt with the situation in the best possible way but I felt bad for being negative but it was necessary to protect my mental peace in the long run. And negativity hampers my physical well being. I am an emotional creature. I could be in extreme physical pain but if I have my heart in the right place, the pain fades away purely with emotional strength and mental strength, however if I am doing absolutely fine physically but if I get hurt or I am getting affected by the negativity around, I will develop aches and fever which will only go after I have my heart clear.

A negative end to a day, or sleeping over the thing that hurts does not make things better, the next day gets affected too. I woke up fine the next morning of the episode and on a very normal everyday conversation at the breakfast table, I snapped at my brother and mother at the same time and then ended up with a nervous breakdown in like 3 minutes and rushed to the office without really resolving my issues. And then the weather was not kind too. Winter rains are beautiful if you don’t have to travel a lot to your workplace, otherwise, they are just irritating and biting cold giving you a sneeze attack which lasts for hours.  And with such a start to the day, things went downhill. Things kept on happening throughout the day and it was really hard to hold back all the tears. And the first thing I did when I entered the home after such a day, I hugged my mother and just cried. I said nothing, just cried and then headed for working out and burning some calories. And I am so glad that I have started working out because it does releases happy hormones, not totally, but my mood improved by 5% and then I ate my mother’s mind with everything that was bothering me after coming back from the workout. Resolved all the issues in my own head, cleared my heart and my headspace and then had a beautiful end to the day and woke up in gratitude. In gratitude for the life I have and for the people, I have in my life.

If the start and end are good, we can deal with the middle. Anything can happen in the middle of the day and it will happen because it is life and we don’t have control over most of the things in our life. What we have control over is how we react in our inner world, how we respond to the situations and people. And it is from personal experience and understanding that if the start and the end are good, we can deal with the worst possible things in the middle with ease and if either of the start or the end is not that good, if we go to sleep with issues or wake up with issues we can’t really enjoy our day and make the most of our time. And while this has been my experience, you can have a different take and opinion on the same and it is okay because we are all learning here. We are all different people, dealing with different issues in life differently. But sometimes, stories and realizations like these can help for you to reflect upon your own story.

If you can, take control of the start and the end of your day consciously and just let go of the middle because if you have your anchors in place, let the storms come, you will sail through.

Much love. Have a beautiful day.

scribbles · story

International Hugs Day

Well, we live in the 21st century and we have so many different new days coming up in our calendars, World Book Day, Hug Day, Poetry Day etc.  Honestly, I don’t have a point to make in this blog post at all. However, I do have a happy story to share.

I am a person who has grown up in a very lovely home. We laugh and hug a lot. There are good morning hugs, there is goodbye to work hugs, there are random hugs in the middle of the day, there are hugs when either of us is tired and we need the energy to carry on with the work and there are just absolute random hugs whenever we make each other happy. So if my mother made a delicious meal, I’ll just hug her and if my dad something which made me laugh like a retarded seal for a while, I’ll just go and hug him. And whenever either of us is leaving town, we have more than 5 minute long hugs, we don’t just let the other person leave unless they say “Bas, ab late ho rha hai” and during that hug we’ll have an entire conversation too. And there are days when I have had a bad headache and mood in college or office and I would come home and just hug my mother or father for a good number of minutes, we talk, we laugh and suddenly all is well. We laugh about the bad day and mood and deal with our issues head-on.

So honestly international hug day is celebrated in full swing 24*7 at my home. Then why am I writing about it today?

Because I want to appreciate the hugs outside of my home.

I don’t remember being comfortable with physical contact with people outside of the family back in 2013 when I was just out of school. Be it a girl or a guy, I would never go beyond a handshake. And if anyone tried to give a hug or even a side hug, I’ll make it awkward. Then I came to be in a girls college and I changed. I began to love the hugs. My first hug person was Shivani Satija, she is one woman I have spent all three years of my graduation life. She was one friend who stood by me from semester one to semester six. Many people came and went during three years of college as friends but she was one woman who was with me throughout and whenever she would meet, she would give the best overenthusiastic hugs, I would often lose my balance if I was caught unaware. And she had so much energy, her energy is like that of Ranveer Singh. Always up and about for anything and everything. She always talked a lot and used to get tensed and hyper a lot and whenever I felt that she is losing it, I would just hug her in the middle of the conversation and she would suddenly calm down. She was my first person who taught me the meaning of Jadoo Ki Jhappi. Now she is in Australia pursuing her dream, I haven’t met her in a long long while but she is one human being I have so many happy memories with. I don’t recall a single negative episode with her, yeah we would fight a lot but we always got back to normal in a day or so. And we also shared a different Punjabi connection. She was my Punjabi kudi and together we created so many happy memories. And I know for sure that today we all are busy in our lives and living in different countries and continents but there will be a time we will meet again and share the best of our stories and hugs all over again.

And over the years, I have developed friendships where hugs have strengthened the friendships and love I have for my friends. Having strong platonic friendships is so much more important than having romantic ones because the hugs shared in a platonic friendship are simply full of love, they do not have the awkwardness of physical intimacy.

The hugs I have shared with my women in college during graduation are so much special to me. With the process of growing up and moving in different directions of life, I may have lost touch with a lot of people but thanks to technology and social media, I can always reach them and tell them I miss them and just direct some of the love in their direction and it might just bring a smile to their faces on a Monday morning.

Satkriti is one friend of mine whom I meet once a year and we hug long, we hug for several minutes and don’t just start talking. We begin with our talk once we have had our hug and it is so calming and beautiful, the conversations just flow, love just flows and we create a world of our own. That world is a bubble for a few hours and then in that bubble, nothing matters. We open our hearts, we laugh, we cry too, we live and we leave each other with so much love and memories to fall back upon our bad days. We understand what the other person does not even say and we help each other become better in that one meet up once a year. Our cities are different, our careers are different but our hearts beat the same when we hug.

In my post-graduation years, days were tough and I would often have a nervous breakdown and there was one person whom I would go to whenever I would have such a day. Our classrooms were opposite to each other and we would hardly have a 5-minute break in between lectures, I would text my friend to come out of the class in the break. We would just hug and go back to the class. This friend of mine is Sarthak. He is two years younger to me and on most of the days, I would be his guide for all the assignments, research papers, and presentations but on my bad days, he would be there standing by me and giving me the strength to carry on whenever I would feel burned out and tired.  While I would support him in mental capacities, he would support me in emotional capacities and I remember the last day of college, I cried. I cried tears of gratitude sitting beside him with my head on his shoulder and shared one of the best hugs ever.

And when office life started, I felt the dearth of love and hugs around me. I was losing friends, everyone was going to different places and directions. And I would wait to go home for my mother’s hug. But there was a time when things were a bit off at home, I was being a rebel and losing the right track of life and I would not want to go home because I felt lost in my head, in my heart and universe sent me a friend and guardian in the form of Shiv. He became my friend when I was in a complete mess and was creating so much more mess in my life knowingly and unknowingly. He was this one person who called me out for my shit. He was the first friend who would scold me and I would actually listen, which is a rare thing given my temperament. I am not too good at taking criticism, to be honest. I get defensive and close myself. And I remember having a bad day and I really needed to vent that day, I needed a hug and he gave me one of the best hugs that day. Over a period of time, this human has helped me come back to who I was, the laughing bubbly motivated happy kid instead of a pessimist negative rebel I was when he found me, he helped me get back to my home by creating a feeling of home.

So this International Hugs Day, I want to thank all my rock solid platonic friendships that help me get ahead in life. There are other people too with whom I have had great memories of hugs- Paridhi, Sonal, Tauseef bhaiya, and Prapti. Prapti is one woman who helped me run a Happiness booth in our college. It was the final year of college and everyone around us looked so stressed, so we decided to run a happiness booth for 2 days. We set up a booth, a large placard and after our morning lectures, we would just sit in the sun holding a placard saying- Stressed? Stop by for Free Hugs. You will make it. And we remember giving out hugs to so many students and teachers those two days. Those two days hold a very special memory. Dear Prapti, if you happen to read this blog, just know that I miss you and I wish you the best wherever you are and in whatever you do.

So, all in all, my dearest readers, Hugs are important. If you haven’t hugged anyone in a long time, do it today. Be it your mother, your father, your brother, your sister, your friend, your colleague. Just go and hug someone today. You might make their day. And the hug is something you don’t just give, you cannot give a hug without getting one back. Someone out there might need it and they might also make a memory out of that hug and write about it later like me and bring a smile to your face when you read the memory again.

Hugs ❤

Uncategorized

Panic of Romance

Do you ever feel conflicted within yourself?

Like you really want something to happen but when it is actually happening you have a hundred questions, two hundred thoughts and one thousand trust issues with the fact whether something is actually happening or not for which you have wondered quite a long while with all the movies and books that you have read?

I became a writer when I first fell in love and I wanted to express myself but I also didn’t want to express directly so I would use poems and metaphors to convey how I feel and the one for whom I would write never really got that so I stopped bothering with the effort and became a blogger instead of a poet/writer. I don’t like to call myself a poet because I don’t write poetry per se. I write stories, and I narrate my life stories because narrating my own stories helps me get a better sense of my own life and it helps me understand my own self and my actions and reactions in a better way because if you really change your life, you gotta change yourself and you can only change and work on yourself if you understand yourself better. Unless you don’t know who you are and why you behave the way you do and why you think and feel the way you do, you won’t be able to change. I write poems when my heart gets involved. Either it is touched or happy or hurt, I’ll end up coming up with a poem but not when I really sit and think about it, I just can’t write a poem.

And for three years I have written plenty of poems, a lot of them reside here on this blog and these poems are all romantic ones, with imagery like the one you can imagine and feel good and they are all poems of an unfulfilled romance and they end with a hope of finding the perfect time and person. All of that dreamy stuff. But come back to real life, I belong to a millennial generation where dating is mostly about hooking up and not developing a connection, people are easily replaceable, if you are pretty, you get way too much attention but ask deep enough questions and people freak out and call you a hard nut to crack. I legit make all the potential dating possibilities run away through the way I direct the conversations. It’s not like I don’t want to have such a relationship but I want the right person to stay. I don’t want someone to stay just because of how I look.

And sometimes when I trust someone enough to try being romantic with me, I panic. There is this strange panic associated with the reality of potential romance. As much as I want to go on a date, my actions are completely in the opposite direction. I just make way too many efforts for the guy to cancel up because it’s easier that way. And all the songs, books, music and movies look better in fiction and I freak out a lot. I once remember jumping in surprise on my first date back in 2013 when the guy tried to put his hand on my waist and I gave him this scary and surprised look like “What do you think you are doing?” and well that was that. He never got a second date.

On one of the dates a couple of years ago, I remember this guy trying to hold my hand while crossing the road and I was like- “You think I can’t do that on my own, leave my hand. I cross roads alone in one of the busiest traffic areas without red lights and traffic police and you think you are helping me cross the road” and I crossed the road while he took some time to cross after the scolding he got from me. He did not get a second date either. (There is a happy crossing the road story too but that is for another day and time because that guy got a second date. Surprised? I was too, okay stop laughing and smirking, read ahead. :P)

Well, I can possibly go on about such stories but the point is I panic when someone tries to get close to me in a romantic fashion like I will definitely like the attention but I find that it is too time-consuming and all of the charades gets over in maximum a week. I could be in love with someone but then if we are not getting work done in our respective lives and just sharing sweet nothings, boy you gotta go, I gotta go, find someone who has time to do that.

I mean I will definitely enjoy all of the conversations shared in the middle of the day and in the middle of the night but if I don’t get enough sleep and my work and daily routine gets affected, I see a red signal and things just end.

Maybe I am too closed as a person, maybe I don’t open doors, I just open a window and then when the weather gets a bit uncomfortable, I close that window too. Call it running away or panic of romance, it’s like that until someone really makes me stay and drives this streak away.

Till then, it’s gonna be just first dates once in a while in the middle of running towards things that make my heart stay.

life · scribbles · story

Side Dish

Don’t allow yourself to be a side dish in somebody’s life, always insist on being the main course.

-Ranran

This post is about friendships. My circle of friends has always been really small, people come and they go. Hardly there are people who end up staying for years. I have like five people in my life who have been really important to me and who make feel important too. But sometimes your heart gets broken even in friendships and your friends are not even at fault but you just get hurt and at the same time you don’t want to feel the way you do but you do because you’re only human.

I am at a point in my life where every single person around me, from school, from college and from all different walks of life are committed and I feel like I am the only single one around and I often feel abandoned in my friendships and honestly, that sucks. It’s like you’re happy for your friends but at the same time, they make you feel that you are no longer wanted neither your presence is needed and you’re basically an outsider. And it does not matter if you’re friends for 8 years, 5 years or any god damn period, you are not the main person anymore. They don’t need you anymore to tell their stories to you, they have “their” person now and you’re just encroaching upon the other person’s time which was once yours.

And well it takes time to accept and get okay with this scenario because you love your friends despite this fact and you also know where you stand so you take a step back.

And then “The Break Up” happens and suddenly you become the main person because you’ve always been there even when they were not there and you love, you love because you love. It’s that simple and you tell your friend that you felt like a side dish at one point when they got into a relationship and they apologize and tell you how much you matter to them and then they tell you that you are special and important and everything goes back to normal and then they again find “their” person and you meet “The Couple”, feel like a family and then again the whole cycle repeats and you’re just hurt. You’re not even mad and you just feel like disappearing because you are so easily replaceable. You’re made to feel like just a side dish which no one really gives a fuck about. And you don’t even feel like being mad at your friends because they look so happy and so much in love. You don’t want to break their happy bubble by bringing in how they are making you feel.

I have lost three people who were my so-called “best friends” just because they fell in love and I left their lives and they didn’t even bother to notice. And if they didn’t even notice, how will they ever ask me to stay or stop. So, I don’t call anyone my best friend now because I really don’t have one. But I do have my people whom I know that they understand me and they are there for me and are going to be there for me. But that’s the thing, whenever I get hurt, I close down. That’s the time when I need someone but then I will keep lying to myself that I don’t need anyone and I’ll be fine and I do get fine but I also end up pushing away the people who actually care about me and my existence. And I don’t want to make the same mistake again. This post is dedicated to them, thank you. Thank you for being there and making me feel like I matter to you.

Someone recently told me that “You feel too much, You’re an overwhelming person and people are not comfortable being with people who feel the way you do”

This one is dedicated to the ones who actually put up with the girl who feels too much and goes overboard sometimes. I love you. Thank you for asking me “How are you doing?” occasionally, thank you for telling me that “you are there”, thank you for telling me that “you love me” even when I am not so lovable on some of the days.

Thank you for treating me like the main course on some days, instead of just a side dish.

Uncategorized

The Achievement Addict

 

So yesterday, I stumbled upon this Ted Talk called Stop Trying So Har. Achieve More by Doing Less by Bethany Butzer. Technically, I did not stumble upon it, my mother made me watch it. My mother keeps sending me motivational videos and Ted talks to keep my life on track because I get derailed easily and often too and it takes me 2-3 incidents to turn into a crazy ass rebellious teenager at the age of 23. (Side note- My mother was married by this time and she was being a successful adult so there is quite a pressure there, not externally but self-created)

Okay so, this woman in her Ted talk talked about being an Achievement Addict and I could relate so well to her. As a kid, my mother had put me into various classes so that I can learn the following skills- Painting, Dance, Singing, Kathak, Crafts, Piano Lessons, Theatre lessons etc etc because if you have watched the stand-up comedy of Kanan Gill, your first child is THE PROJECT. You want that child to be the best child in the world. And so my mother tried and me being me, didn’t stick long enough to get an expert at anything. The only thing I ended up being excellent as was to study and top my class. Imagine being a topper since LKG and continuing the tradition even in college. I had become an achievement addict. And as I grew up, I did all the things my mother tried for me to do and I have been pretty good at it even if not an expert. I became the most famous and most loved student in school by the time I was in 10th and my name is still remembered by all the teachers and quite a huge number of students from different batches. And so is the case with my college years, everyone basically knows who am I except myself.

At my age, it is very difficult to have a CV of more than one page but here I am with a CV of 3 pages which I need to shorten often whenever I apply to places.

And I always put in too much effort everywhere because I have become addicted to all the love, approval and appreciation coming my way. And it sometimes gets overwhelming because my friends end up telling me that I don’t know how to be relaxed or be chill enough. I stress too much, I work too much, I slog too much and I do have a hard time dealing with criticism. There is a compulsive need to be liked by people I like and not everyone will like me, but I have a hard time dealing with that. Either I am always in this zone where I feel that I am not good enough or I am in the narcissistic zone where I feel like I am the best person and nobody deserves the best I have to offer but that’s just a temporary zone because there are times when I do feel like not giving a flying fuck but I do care a lot so it gets conflicting.

All in all, I forgot to live life in a simple way because whenever I will be having an ordinary day I will get bored, I will feel I am not accomplishing anything and I will go out of the way to do something that would make me feel accomplished and good enough about myself.

But now that I have realized these things, I have been in the realization zone for quite a long while I must say. So I am making certain lifestyle changes, I am trying to be good, to be better and to enjoy the ordinary. And to just exist and trust me it’s not that bad.

Yes, my inner achievement addict is still very much active and it still wants to do so much but I am training that addict of mine to not seek approval, to not go overboard and to not become extra. And it’ll take time.

Point of writing this blog post?

I am still figuring it out, I just had to write it to keep this realization alive. I write mostly for myself because I have a lot to say and writing things out helps me get clarity to my own head. You’re reading it just by chance and it might interest you and make you explore your inner addicts maybe?