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Archive for the ‘life’ Category

I have to let go.

How many times does it happen in life that we get attached. I am a person who gets attached very easily. I am attached to memories, places, books and most dangerous of all, people. Even though I read a lot and even though I am extremely well read about things in life, success, failure, loss, love, art, poetry and attachments and the art of letting go, the law of attraction and maintaining a balanced life. I am only human and I often fail at managing my emotions, I am the kind of girl who has been blessed with great career opportunities, amazing teachers, wonderful family and loving and supporting friends but I fail at relationships. I am not the kind of girl who plays the game of “hard to get”, I am an extremely straightforward and often confused person because my moral system says something else and my wishes often collide with my moral upbringing. I am an old soul in this new age. I love too much when I happen to love and that somehow ends up in hurt because the universe doesn’t like for me to be in love. When I graduated, it was so hard for me to let go of my college campus, almost every month I went back to my college just to sit under “my tree” where I finished reading so many novels over three years of graduation. I would leave my post grad classes early just to go back to my alma matter and have that cup of caramel coffee. I still haven’t let go of the place where I found myself, where I learnt to write poetry, where I had my first performance on a large scale, where I created so many memories and met so many amazing people. And now I have to let go of my alma matter. I am learning to move on. But you see, I am a slow learner and life wants me to be a little quick, it is making me part with a very dear friend and letting go has never been this tough. As we grow up, our attachments grow stronger and as we grow up, a lot of people leave. Some leave you for good and some leave you and they teach you a lesson. Some leave only to come back again and when these people come back, you forget that they can leave even now. Saying goodbye once is hard, saying goodbye twice is the hardest thing. But I have to let go now and I have no clue how will I do that but I will, someday.

 

My heart is like a child,

a very delicate child,

it does not know the art to let go,

it only knows hope.

Hope that angels exist.

Hope that love is forever.

It lives in a dream land and does not like when life wakes it up.

My heart wants some sleep, some sweet dreams.

But this child also knows it has to grow up,

it will have to parent itself.

It will have to let go.

It will have to let go.

I have to let go.

It’s Okay To Be Wrong

Dear You,

It’s okay to be wrong.

Wrong and right are subjective concepts. And so is success and failure. Everything is in our minds. Our minds are powerful tools. Most people live their lives getting controlled by their minds and not controlling their minds themselves. They spend their lives in an unconscious state. Our beliefs n ideas about ourselves, the concept of idealism and wrongness and righteousness of a particular action is often defined by external forces and our own minds. However it is ever changing. What maybe wrong today might turn out right tomorrow. So darling, I want you to stop and sit still. It’s okay to be wrong. It’s okay to be wrong and fail and fall and get hurt and bruised and broken and damaged. Life is cutting you off edge by edge. You’re a diamond in process. Let life cut you up and let your wounds bleed. Because all that’s happening now will help you shine bright later. It’s okay to be wrong. It’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to feel like shit. But it’s not okay to get stuck. Feel every emotion completely. Spend some time with your grief. Address it. Acknowledge it. Accept it. Love it. And let go of it. Keep all the beautiful lessons it left for you as souvenirs and get going.

Yours lovingly
You. ❤

#LettersToSelf

Butterfly

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With spring fading away and summer sun shining, there are clouds that are creating noise seeking attention because nobody seemed to talk about the beauty of rains and winds that spread heavenly aroma. When one is in love, one is crazy. And rains bring out this eternal hopeless romance within me. On days when I am chasing my dreams and looking at the dreamcatcher by my bedside with the sound of the rain and soft humming of the wind chime, I am reminded of you. You’re not here with me and sometimes you are a figment of my imagination. This perfect soul mate with whom I want to share my Rumi with. Sometimes you seem real like a fairy tale. You are the butterfly kissing the flower that my heart is and then flying off in the garden with your pretty yellow wings. While I am the sunflower and sometimes I look like a daffodil dancing in the rain when you slowly suck my nectar leaving your footprints all across. This tale of love is as bizarre as this unexpected rain. On some days romance doesn’t sound so vain. Close your eyes and let my love reach out to you through this rain.

Coffee anyone?

It has been three years since I started off this blog. This blog has been a place where I posted anything and everything, to be honest. I was in love and new to writing when I started this off. And let me tell you that now when I reviewed all of my posts, I don’t like most of them because they were just random stuff without any craft. My writings were raw and childish with less of profound use of language. It was particularly, a diary made public and when I realised my folly, I stopped posting altogether. I remember posting 4 to 5 pieces in a single day and then not posting for months, I have also realised the repetition in content and lack of new experiments and freshness with the art of writing. So I decided to read more, discuss more, learn more and write less but do good quality writing. I wished to delete this blog entirely and start a new one but then I would not do so because it is one of the only things I started on my own and I have actually learnt a lot. This blog if I judge it today was a total failure but one of my favourite quotes is “Success comes from experience and experience comes from bad experiences.” by Sandeep Maheshwari who is my all time crush and a role model. This blog has a part of me residing here on WordPress. And I am happy about its existence. It’s been three years and I have grown emotionally and mentally and in order to keep growing we all must stop once in a while and look back and see how far we have come and set goals about how far we need to go.

“The woods are lovely dark and deep,

But I have promises to keep and miles to go before I sleep.”

-Robert Frost

I have always been fond of Robert Frost and Ruskin Bond, these are the authors and poets who define me and my choices in life. And it is only after reading so much more and learning so much more I realised there is so much left to read and learn. I happen to be blessed with extremely learned people in my life who enlighten me with their knowledge over a cup of coffee or taking a walk in Haus Khas village or just random evenings spent together at any place where there’s cheap food and coffee or “chai” because writing coffee or tea is too mainstream.

We, humans, are filled with colossal capabilities and beautiful minds and lovely soft beating hearts, but due to tough nature of life we are drying out and just existing with insecurities and identity crisis and are mostly figuring out life or just merely being there without being there. So today, someone you connect with on the metro because he/she is reading your favourite book and that book is recommending you the person. Just go up to them and ask them for a cup of coffee because great things can happen with just one cup of coffee. I met my soul sister like this. I saw her and it was friendship at first sight. I am 22 years old and I have never dated in my life, but I have been in love because I am a hopeless romantic who grew up with Disney Princess movies where Love will find a way and with SRK’s DDLJ and with Titanic where my heart will go on. And even in this post, I have flowed, I started off by reviewing this blog and talking about growing and ended up talking about love, well I believe when you have love in your heart you have everything you need to live life. And as per the 40th rule by Shams of Tabriz from 40 Rules of love, “A life without love is of no account. Don’t ask yourself what kind of love you should seek, spiritual or material, divine or mundane, Eastern or Western. Divisions only lead to more divisions. Love has no labels, no definitions. It is what it is, pure and simple. Love is the water of life. And a lover is a soul of fire! The universe turns differently when fire loves water.”

I often sit at coffee shops in the hope that I might meet the love of my life. Landon Pigg’s song “Falling in love at a coffee shop” is my romantic dream and when I will meet him there sitting in the coffee shop reading a book I would ask the waiter to go up to him with a note that will say

 

“Let us go then, you and I,

When the evening is spread out against the sky

Like a patient etherized upon a table;

Let us go, through certain half-deserted streets,

The muttering retreats

Of restless nights in one-night cheap hotels

And sawdust restaurants with oyster shells

Streets that follow like a tedious argument

Of insidious intent

To lead you to an overwhelming question …

Oh, do not ask, “What is it?”

Let us go and make our visit.”

– Prufrock

and I will choose not to reveal my identity and let him figure out who it was?

Coffee anyone?

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Image source: http://sawadacoffee.com/

WHY

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Why should I do things that I do? Why should I listen to you?
Why should I solve economic applications of matrices when I want to caress my beloved’s tresses?

Why should I pursue masters in economics when my heart belongs to Ghalib?

Why  did I take this up, if I want to give up?

Why am I here when my heart tells me to go elsewhere?

I am here because I have desires. I have desires to be rich on my own and enjoy luxuries with obligations to none. I am here because norms don’t let me switch from economics to literature, such is a future lecturer’s eligibility structure.

My head and heart are always in conflict, I love economics but technicalities get my heart hit. It doesn’t like getting hit you know.

I am Arjun from Mahabharata on the battle field. Indecisive, Insecure who doesn’t know.

I seek my Krishna in vain. In the end ,I only have to end my own pain.

What is Real?

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“Children see magic because they look for it.”

-Christopher Moore

Yesterday I happened to have a conversation with a friend about how we create our lives. Those who read are often smitten by quotes. You get a basic idea about a person’s mind by the pages they follow on Instagram and Facebook and the quotes they relate to. The question we raised was “Do we really relate to quotes or have we accepted them as the truth of our lives? And we’re perhaps too blind or lazy to prove those quotes wrong.” There are about 7 billion people on the planet and a lot of them relate to the same quote, which is absolutely fine. But do we realize that most of us have believed quotes to be the truth and unintentionally the quotes we like have become the truth of our lives.
Literature, art, poetry, music is something that we live for because they are beautiful. Is it a good thing or a bad thing to  lead our lives the way we are leading or we need to change?

What I believe is that our life is part real and part illusion. We often turn our illusions into reality. When I say that I am a wizard, you might think that I am kidding but it’s totally based on my experiences in life and how I see things. Everything, be it a simple object like an apple has various connotations for each one of us and we make those connotations appear to be real. In Harry Potter and The Deathly Hallows, there’s a conversation that takes place in Harry’s head and he questions if it’s happening in real, to which Dumbledore responds that “Of course it’s happening in your head but that doesn’t mean that it isn’t real.”

So What’s Real?

I would love to read your perspective in the comments section. 🙂

 

Fog

I see it breaking.
Not even breaking, just vanishing simply slowly.
With misty future, threads of ties fading.
Dryness overpowers the warmth. It’s like I am always thirsty and my mouth parched unable to figure out you. Or me. Or anything.