The Girl with a tainted heart?

Hola Readers!

Today I am going to talk about a girl with a tainted heart. But why her? Because the girl here is a part of me. My friends made me realize that I am not much of a poet but a blogger. I tell stories in a beautiful way, I am told.

Well it makes sense, I have been a story teller since childhood. Given the fact that I was one of the most shy kids in my childhood with absolutely no friends but only acquaintances, my primary source of entertainment was to create stories in my head about myself and the people around me.

My favorite story has been that of me having a twin sister. I was an only child when I created this story. My little brother was not born then and maybe I was in LKG or UKG, a very fat girl used to be my desk partner in school and she used to be quite irritating. I decided to have some fun. I told her that for the next couple of days I will not be coming to school and but my twin sister will be coming and she will be sitting with you. Don’t tell this to anybody. She is very shy and likes to keep to herself so don’t talk to her or disturb her. And this silly thing worked. That girl didn’t talk to me for a good couple of days and I continued with this drama for two weeks I think and then I told her that I am back and my twin sister has gone to another school. She won’t be coming and studying in this school, she wanted to take a trial and didn’t like it.

You must be thinking why am I telling you this when I was supposed to talk about the girl with a tainted heart. Well, honestly there was no point, I was just reminded of this little thing so shared it.

Anyway, I have had a lot of stories playing in my mind since forever, some become reality while some just pass off as fantasies and some are stories with a big question mark.

I have been in quite a reflective state for a few days, weeks or maybe months. I have evolved as a person in such a way that from being one of the most mysterious, quiet introverted person I have become an open book like that of a coffee table book which you find lying in expensive coffee shops for reading while taking your coffee. I no longer keep my thoughts just to myself. I make sure to say out loud things that matter and also the things that don’t really matter at times.

I happen to be a person who loves to be in love and I write several love stories for myself with a few characters here and there borrowed from my real life and these are the stories with a big question mark. Because while writing such stories in my head, I tend to fall in love for real and get messed up. And I spend my spare time sorting out the mess I create for myself. This is so pointless and so much fun at the same time.

But why the girl here is with a tainted heart?

I am tired of telling you the above random stories, for this, stay tuned. I will write part 2 soon where you will know why the girl is with a tainted heart.

Till then, good night!

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Fine Wine

I painted my imagination with you in mind,
Unfortunately, it was all black.

Cloud of thoughts that floats over the canvas has colors of us which merge to a rainbow.
Black was not your imagination, it was the sky of shackles keeping us apart.

The colours were long lost when you said ‘school is over’, each day, we now fight a battle of our own which ends in either white or black.

O my friend, how do I keep you?
You are young, wild and free,
Reach out and achieve the fame,
For souls like you can’t be tamed.

Why any of us has to be tamed?
Why do we need fame?
I am just floating with the wind of the universe
Sitting with you writing a verse.
Darling, let the wind paint the colors on the canvas of our lives,
The blacks and the whites are just feathers of time.
Love like ours is eternal.
Imagination is like fine wine.

Note: The piece where I am the muse and my muse is my co-author. This is not a poem. This is a WhatsApp conversation.

An almost all this while

We are a generation of almosts,

We almost achieved what we dreamt of,

We almost dated the one we loved,

We almost made it through.

We are a bunch of people who abandon things at the last leg.

We are the people who seek Independence while being co-dependent.

We are the people who love but don’t hold on to it.

We are the ones who believe that there is always a second chance.

We leave things in the hope of them coming around.

We are not alive. We are neither dead.

We are an almost all the while.

We are almost dead while being almost alive.

Heart on the sleeve

To love is the most personal thing ever. You just identify one human and make him or her the subject of your affection. We human beings are born with a heart and in this real world of fake people and transient forevers, this heart of ours gets beaten up often and we become this cold distant humans whose hearts are locked up because we are too afraid of love and feeling vulnerable. That feeling when your soul is absolutely naked in front of someone you love is unsettling, it gives you a pittish feeling in the centre of your chest and your bosom feels ached to be hugged and held tight but that doesn’t happen and you continue to live like that feeling that void and carrying it with you wherever you go. You don’t know the beloved’s heart. You may know it and it may break your heart but you still choose to keep going on feeling strange and having that heart on your sleeve because for a moment Rumi’s words heal you and you believe in universe and destiny and Ted Mosby who taught you to never give up on someone you love even when it completely destroys you and there you are smiling and going on as if nothing has happened while your heart lays exposed like never before. I have got only one thing to say here-

Dear heart,

just own it like you have always owned it. Afterall hearts were made to be broken. Keep showing off the sleeve.
Or maybe just fade off slowly while you bleed with your heart on the sleeve. But never lock the heart inside. Never.

Fairy Tales

There she was, sitting by the window

Listening to the fairy tales her mother told her.

She would watch the birds and become one of them.

There she was, listening to Harry Potter and pictured herself as Ginny falling for Harry at the age of 12.

There she was, watching Disney princess movies

She thought of herself as the princess.

Her dad made her the princess in real life.

There she was, being Hermoine in her 12th. She became one for real.

There she was, being Mitchie from Camp Rock in her graduation. She became one. “This is me” became her favorite song.

There she was, falling for a guy and getting her heart broken. She turned to Geet from Jab We Met.

She is her own favorite person. A broken heart makes her smile even more.

There she was, growing up, becoming a woman,

She became a warrior princess instead. She fought her battles. Won some. Lost some. She remained the princess nonetheless.

She again fell in love and created a fairy tale.

She pictured her favorite love story with the guy she loved.

She sees the reality. Knows fairy tales don’t really exist. Yet she lives in one.

Her life has always been a fairy tale even when it was not.

She is a fairy tale.

She is her own fairy. She has a world of her own.

Who says fairy tales aren’t real? They are.

For her.

All she did was to dream one.

Quotes on Love by Neha Thureja

“Love by the moonlight, look into my eyes, let night sing songs of romance while we hold hands.”

“Listen to the whispers closely, they are dancing in the calmness of us.”

“In a cloud of obscure thoughts about everything, only thing that brings peace is knowing to be with you at the end of the day.”

“Among the hustle bustle, there are quiet thoughts singing the song of silence.”

“With you around, life becomes poetry in silence.”

“Rumi said that lovers don’t finally meet somewhere, they are in each other all along. And I met you and learnt what Rumi meant. Holding your hands is like being embraced by life in a safe cocoon out of which love blossoms like a butterfly.”

“There is so much beauty around yet my heart finds solace by just looking at you.”

“There is calm in the morning, let both of us fly away like two love birds in the sky.”

“Dancing to the song of life with you by my side.”
“Joy in the hearts, glow on the face, a new adventure awaits.”
“When the eyes meet, lips curve into a smile and that’s when they both feel love of a home. Sometimes home is a person.”
“As she moves towards a new road in life, there are a million thoughts going through her mind and how pretty she looks while all she is doing is to think simply.”

“For a woman, the day she becomes a bride is one day when the time stops and the sun shines on her and ahead lies a beautiful future.
Look at how she is smiling, there’s glitter in her eyes and from here on a new sun shall rise.” 

“Confessing love takes courage and once done, there’s no going back. Time stops when eyes do the talking.”
“In that one look, love found a home”
Note: These quotes were written as captions for photographs that were posted on social media account of the company I worked for and I just wanted all my thoughts at one place. I hope you enjoy reading them. You can use them to flirt with your better half on new year maybe 😉

When I was a Traveller in my own city

Delhi, my city. 

Dilli, ishq hai.

I have always wanted to explore Delhi for the longest time but when you’re in your own city, you don’t explore the beauty of it because there’s always assignment to be submitted, work to be done, and sleep to catch upon. After years of trying to get someone to accompany me to be a Traveller in my own city, I was blessed to come across a beautiful human being who was willing to give in to the wishes of a girl like me and it was a date. When we use the word date, we often expect romance, however there was something beyond romance in this date and that cannot be put into words. How do you put across sharing stories close to you in appropriate words, what are we if not stories?

Delhi has a soul which many people don’t explore. Visiting a monument and reading about it’s history in the lush green Mughal Gardens and then having a silent reading meet in the sun is a perfect way to spend time with someone in my world.

Delhi is too good to be true in winters. 

There’re a lot of things I realized today. After spending time as a traveller I met a friend of mine who flew from London to spend sometime home and if I could sum up my time with her, it would be that in life sometimes you come across people who are not people but home. 

Dear universe, 

Thank you for making me feel blessed and loved. And I wish that all my readers find home. There’s nothing better than some soul filling conversations and hugs while the winter breeze flows through the hair as we walk through lonely lit roads in areas of Delhi which feel like another world. 

To love and life. 

The very idea of Romance

Romance: if we look at the origin of this word, it means ‘beautiful’ and this was first used to address the beauty of the evening sky. That’s how the concept of romantic weather came into being. And over the years, romance started to get associated with love. Essentially romance is love that is not long lasting as per definition. It is transitory.

(For verification of the above, read about it in evolution of language articles on Google.)

Now, the very idea of Romance is exciting on most days if you’re not a cynical person or allergic to anything cheesy like some of my friends. I find myself constantly in a battle when it comes to the idea of Romance. On most days I am a hopeless romantic falling in love with life, nature, experiences, people and food. Romance is an extremely important aspect of my life because of my parents who are so much in love that even after decades of being together, they make me believe that fairy tales exist for real and love is one thing that can make you move mountains. I call my life a poetry. A poetry full of joy, love, sorrows and occasional moments of depression as well. 

The very idea of Romance is enough to make me happy. Going for a walk is romance, being curled up with a mug of hot chocolate is romance, having a beautiful conversation with someone is romance, pulling off an all nighter just to read favorite erotica is romance, travelling around the city aimlessly and having fun is romance, and I can go on forever. You don’t need a guy or a girl to experience romance to be honest. But having company helps. Sometimes I romance my mother by taking her out on a date and all we do is walk and talk about silly things which we don’t get to discuss while at home. Every morning my mother is working in the kitchen and the moment I wake up, first thing I do is to go and hug her from the back. This has been my routine for I don’t know how many years. 

My last couple of days have been really romantic. I have done almost everything I listed above, going for a walk, having food, talking to a friend and laughing and then reading my favorite book in the light of the Darkness. But love hurts at some point or the other. One is very naive when one is in love and I am an extremely stupid human when I love too much. Sometimes I think that love needs to be a bit more rational but then what about this heart which doesn’t understand the concept of rationality. Everyday life is a constant conflict between the idea of Romance and being this sensible human being. Because no matter who we are or what we do, love does not make sense and it is not supposed to make sense. Love is totally nonsensical but we have to keep doing it like Ted Mosby. 

If we don’t let our hearts bleed, have we really lived? 

What’s the whole point?

People are weird. One day someone would say that you mean the world to them and next day they could be absolutely mean without any reason. And I just experienced this. Honestly, if this would have happened few months ago I would have been mad or hurt or angered but now I have reached a stage in life, where if someone wants to stay, stay and I am glad and thankful. If someone wants to leave, leave and I am glad and thankful. If you leave without a reason, I would be upset for a while but then life goes on and it doesn’t matter in longer scheme of things. Instances like these make me wonder about the bigger things, what is the purpose of life anyway and how many temporary people are we supposed to meet till we actually figure out life? I love too easy and I let go even easily because if you don’t want to be around, very well, because I have got super high self esteem to let you mistreat me or disrespect me. And at the same time, if you offer little bit of love and respect, I am ready to walk over oceans for you because I don’t do things in moderation with calculative moves. I have lived my life with heart more than the head because you see I have strict parents and the moment my heart goes towards something irrational my mother comes around to save the day. What is the point of this blog post anyway?

People are important and people leave and stay as per their own state of mind. Be thankful to the ones around and wish well to those who leave. As far as you are as an individual is concerned, just keep moving on like devanand sahab-

“मैं ज़िन्दगी का साथ निभाता चला गया, हर फिक्र को धुंए में उड़ाता चला गया”

Good night people! Sleep well.