Tripping with Miss Guide You

“Kehte hain agar kisi cheez ko dil se chaho … to poori kainath use tumse milane ki koshish mein lag jaati hai”

Coming from a conservative middle-class family and having overprotective parents, I have been mostly an obedient kid who studied well and spent most of her time with books and had several crushes on fictional characters. I rebelled too but in limits, as much my parents would put up with.
My parents are risk averse individuals who are always content with simple things in life. They really don’t need anything in life to make them happy. They are happy saint-like souls satisfied with all the situations of life. I, on the other hand, a 23-year-old girl who is super active on social media and sees all her friends do traveling and exploring the places and meeting new people, have always dreamt of a trip alone and given the safety situation for girls and women in the country, it looked like a distant dream.

But the universe has its ways.

I happen to come across with this one human being whom I would like to call Farishta, who had turned the course of my life in a happy direction in the past so many months. Some people come to you in times when you begin to lose hope in people, in love, in friendship and in life in general. I like to call him a Farishta because even though I had every best thing in my life, I wasn’t really living. He helped me to gain a positive outlook. Anyhow, it was through him, I got to know about “Miss Guide You”, a group which organizes regular trips. My dream was finally turning into a reality. Perks of being friends with Adulter Adults is that they convince your parents to let you go on a trip like this so that’s how my parents agreed to let me take this trip. The added bonus here was I was being accompanied by Mrs. Farishta.

Now, I am mostly socially awkward at first and then depending on the people around me, I take the minimum an hour or the maximum a day to get comfortable or I do not get comfortable at all. And once I am comfortable, you’re going to get the entertainment for your life because I am going to get super Bollywood and sing songs and talk like I have known you forever. I take up space and make a homely feeling and laugh out loud like anything. I don’t know how to be girly, I only know how to be me. Clumsy, messed up, happy, and lazy too.

I could go on mentioning the details of the trip, day by day, night by night and how much fun it was. And making a beautiful story for you to read, but honestly, I don’t feel like doing that right now.

A. Because I haven’t had my morning coffee

B. I feel lazy

C. Ainvayyyyyyiiiiii (karan johar fan, had to do this drama)

Overall, the trip was a happy experience. it made me meet new people, listen to new stories and gain new experiences and having Mrs. Farishta by my side helped. Initially, this trip was to spend some quality time with her but due to certain health issues that didn’t happen and I floated around happily like a kid here and there while she slept.

“Traveling changes you.” I was told. I don’t know about the change, but all I know about is that traveling made me more chirpy and it made me feel free. And I guess that’s what really matters.

Oh btw I did not tell you, where did I go? Hahahah, see how distracted I am?

Well, I went to Jibhi and Jalori Pass, the same place where I went for my first official capacity building tour and wrote an elaborated blog post- The Himachal Trail- https://euphoricbeing.wordpress.com/2018/06/20/the-himachal-trail/

So, without really making a point or crafting a beautiful conclusion to this post, I would just like to appreciate the group called Miss Guide You, My Mr. and Mrs. Farishta Friends because of whom this trip happened and all the lovely human beings who were a part of this trip, who made it such a happy experience and to the new bigshot friends I have made in BMW, Yamaha, and international bloggers, content writers, and website developer people and all the digital marketing people etc etc. Kaafi Swag wale Log. And my parents who let me go and have this experience.

Side Note– Sit on the road in the hills under the moonlight and listen to the sound of the silence whenever you go there next. Or maybe just sing Chanda Re Chanda Re while staring at the moon on a cold night. Kaafi happy feeling.

Aapse Milkar Accha Laga!

International Food Day

Dear Food,

Happy International Food Day to you. You come in several varieties and trust me I love each and every being of you. You are my only true love since the time I remember and have always been the answer to most of my life situations and crisis.

Having a bad day? Have good food
Not enjoying the weather? Find the perfect food for this weather
Happy? Let’s get food.
Catch up, meet up with a friend? Let’s try out that new food place
Sunday? Let’s cook food
Heartache? Comfort Food
Periods? Tasty Food
Depression? Food

I love you and cherish you more than it is acceptable. I have been a miser and used to be cautious at one point while spending money on you, however, there is nothing more satisfying in life other than you. After having a good breakfast of bread, butter, banana and Nutella, I felt like dying because I was so happy that I wanted nothing more from life after having you.

My shitty days, crying zones and being low get sorted after having an amazing platter, all my friends and family is aware that if I am mad at them, all they gotta do is to feed me with amazing food and I will melt like a happy mushy lump forgetting all my anger and the reason too.

You make up every time I fuck up in my relationships, friendships. You are my way to show my love to others.

Dear Food, I can never thank you enough and can write so much for you, about you and it won’t ever be sufficient, but you my dear is the only true love in life and there are no second thoughts. Thank you for being you and just existing.

I love you.

-A Crazy-Weird-Emotional Foodie

Why #MeToo is Important?

#MeToo Movement is in full swing at present and the number of women coming forward talking about cases of sexual harassment over the past few days is increasing every day. Being a girl in a city like Delhi where I have been traveling alone for 5 years now and meeting so many people, this movement is an eye-opener in the sense that we as women don’t even know the true meaning of harassment, at least I did not, I don’t want to comment about others. We are so accustomed and trained in such a way, we are told that the world outside is not so decent so behave in a particular fashion. There are a hundred things that constantly go around in our heads while stepping out of the house. My dad always keeps a tab on my location whenever I am out, I have to make sure that there are no nuisance elements around me, I cover my face regardless of the weather while walking alone.

Public transport and public places are dangerous especially if you are a girl, a woman, your age, your dress, your way of walking or existing just does not matter to be really honest. Everyday functioning is a struggle because most of my energy goes in making sure that I am in a safe environment. Making friends with guys is a task because there is always that “behave” conditioning, or the fact that the guys must not take your smile or laughter or a simple accidental eye contact as a consent to touch you unnecessarily or inappropriately. One thing is getting harassed by strangers, the other is getting harassed by the people whom you know, you’re friends with or the guy you are in a potential relationship with. All the accounts of #MeToo movement have been heartbreaking and at the same time, these are so important because they help one realize the true meaning of harassment which girls like me have brushed aside as purely indecent or “guys will be guys” behavior and not calling out for this.

I am not here to name anyone or share my story in detail highlighting things point by point, incident by incident, what I am here for is the perspective this movement has brought about. To all the people out there, who know who have done wrong at some point, don’t think she does not remember, she may have brushed it aside but she clearly remembers incidents like these.

And I have been one of the privileged few because I come from a girls college, some would like to argue that it is not a privilege but rather the opposite to not have co-ed environment, anyhow, I have barely interacted with a maximum of 20 men apart from my own family members from the outside world other than numerous strangers in the public transport and I have had a fair deal of good and bad experiences with known and unknown people. And I have also seen a few girls lie about issues like these just to take revenge in a sour relationship. And just as we say that it is #NotAllMen, all stories are not lies, not all women lie.
It’s not about men or women. It’s about awareness, it is about creating sensitivity and understanding of the issue. It is about bringing about a change in the social thought and social conduct of the society and people around us as a whole.

Even in this #MeToo Movement we are not believing our women and mocking them for speaking about an incident which happened way back in past. All I want to convey is that if you cannot support, then be quiet, don’t mock the people who take a lot of courage to relive every single moment of such experience and put it out in public. And for most part, just you know explore the stories and accounts and facts for yourself and see where it goes wrong.

And as far as my story is concerned, I have come to realize that I have been harassed more than I have counted. And it has not happened in a DTC Bus or metro but safe places with people I have trusted or shared a potential relationship with. Letting go of all of that, #MeToo is important and I hereby wish so much love, luck and power, and strength to all the people out there, both men and women who are trying to make sure that the small world around them is a safe place.

There are things left to say

Hello Dear Readers,

I hope you all are doing really well in your respective lives and even if you are not, better days are on their way, so have patience. It’s easier said than done but trust me, just try.

Anyway, I had put up a shutdown post sometime back. On 6th July 2018, I said that I will be shutting down this blog which I have built over a period of five long years because I wanted to take up blogging to another different level. I wanted to be professional in my writing. I wanted to write about economic issues and other important things that go around the world and help the student community majorly through that blog. While the work for that is under process, I still have things left to say. I am not a professional economics student 24*7. I am human and this blog represents the human side of me. I have experimented with all kinds of writings, emotions, ideas here, so I am back to my familiar writing space in a community where I do have a bunch of regular readers across the world, with whom I may not have personal contact but interactions on WordPress,  about ideas, poetry, writing and the feeling that no matter what, we are all the same people deep down is comforting.

Anyway, I have started to digress from the topic like I always do. I spend so much time setting up the context of the blog post that I get tired when I start to write the real thing. So without wasting any more time, I am here to talk about all the random stuff that comes to my mind while writing this. So no context. Feel free to leave reading at this point, or maybe get on with it and just go “Hmmmm, What did she actually say?” at the end. Your call. Choose Wisely. Here I start.

 

Sexual harassment and Mental Health are the two hot topics which we get to read about constantly on our social media accounts. Women are coming out with their stories which happened years ago, people are trying to talk about their mental health issues. There is so much good happening around us. We are in one of those times where we are actually using our freedom of expression and there are both sides to it. There are people in support and there are people who are mocking and demeaning us in ways which makes us fear the idea of talking about things that bother us. I refrain from talking about issues on social media because I personally do not have the energy to get involved in pointless debates on the internet that take away time, energy and mental peace. However, whenever there is a positive talk, I do indulge because even in the virtual world of technology, few positive words work wonders. Someone might have had a shitty morning and if you just tell them I hope you have a good day, much love to you, it might make them smile only for like 5 seconds but if they reflect and feel a bit lonely, this could be their cue to feeling a little okay at least if not better. In times like these, it is extremely important we choose the right things to read and write on the social media. Because there are bright sides and a dark hole which will consume you. And I am a person who is often confused so I have done both. I have been on the bright sides and I have been consumed by the dark hole.

And honestly, most of my writings and blog posts are for myself first and then for my readers. I am selfish that way. I like to write about things that hurt, I love to write about things that make me uncomfortable, that make me cry, that is cringeworthy at times as well because in my personal experience, this is the way I talk to myself, where I can be a friend to myself and enjoy my own company. And why I choose to put up such things on my blog is simply because I know I am not alone, there are a few bunch of people out there who think like me, who act like me, who are like me in so many ways and might just find comfort in their lives through these confused looking write-ups.

“It is always easier to be strong for your loved ones than for yourself.”

I read this line sometime back, somewhere. I don’t know the exact source, however, all I know is that this line has stayed with me for the longest time. I have had a tendency to attract all sorts of weird crazy broken people towards me and I used to think that it is my job to fix them all and I did that for years, since school time, since the time I remember having people around me. I was a people pleaser, I have always wanted people around me to be happy, even at the cost of my own happiness. Well, the world was not what I saw it to be with my rose-tinted glasses. People use and abuse good people like things and I have had my share of that. So now I am like chuck everyone, I rather started to enjoy the idea of offending people by not being always nice to them, mostly I became mean to my own relatives and aunts and uncles and anyone who did not give a good vibe. I became too judgemental and what I did was wrong, so don’t do that. Be nice to people, always. It is easy. And if you do not feel like being nice, back off, don’t offend someone, it hurts later. I have had my share of regrets there.
So I was reading a post I wrote in 2013, it said don’t let the negativity around you change the way you look at the world, be good and the good things and people will come to you. But I did not stick to what I believed in and used my negative experiences to build so many walls around me. I did let the negativity get to me and then a series of poetry and posts which I wrote had this one constant thought- I do not like the person I am becoming and suddenly I  was lost forever. I knew my way, I knew my road and I hid behind the words- Maybe, I don’t know. I was just too scared to open myself up again until sometime back. From being someone who was comfortable alone and enjoyed her own company a lot, I started to get dependent on the outside of the things to get happy, I started wanting to have company, being alone did not feel as peaceful as it used to because of so many self-created issues and disorder of overthinking and less writing. I stopped being my own lucky charm because I stopped being strong for myself. I was strong for others but not myself the way I used to be. And that is when I started to love myself a little less and get critical and at the same time wanted so much out of me as a human that all of it got too much. I had high ambitions and failures simultaneously and everything then turned out to be about me. I started caring a little less about others, even my loved ones, even the family I am a part of, I distanced myself from everyone, most importantly, from myself.

Perhaps, the only person we need to be strong for is ourselves. Loving oneself is the only important thing because if I love myself enough, I’ll love you enough and a virtuous circle will start instead of a vicious circle of being critical towards oneself and the world. This is what I have been realizing and learning every day for past couple of weeks

Why on earth I am putting all of this in a blog post? All the things mentioned here are personal experiences and ideas and thoughts and the journey? Why is it up here on the WordPress blog? Because I have a dear friend who once told me, you are not alone. There are crazy people out there like you who have similar issues, who have similar problems, who have similar thought patterns and that is why you find Instagram posts that relate to you, that is why you find poems that feel as if they are describing you, that is why you find books whose main character looks just like you because deep down we are all humans and I hope this post finds you. I hope it makes you feel less alone, I hope it makes you write, talk to the ones you love, create art, go to comfortable familiar places which remind you of who you are and I wish you find friends who throw away your personal dictionary of weirdly stupid ideas and help you correct the fundamental thought of life and most importantly make you feel loved and worthy enough because you are worthy without doing any productive thing on a lazy day and you deserve the happiness and love you are getting. Don’t be like me questioning happiness. Be you. Meanwhile, I’ll try to be a better me.

oh, did I tell you that when you sing at the top of your voice, that is the ultimate happiness? So my dear reader, what are you waiting for?

And yes, this blog is back to being alive. I’ll keep updating both. This one and the professional blog under construction, show some love there too when it is launched. Thank you all so much in advance.