Travel Diary

Slowness Himalayas

It’s that time of the year when you hit the mountains to find relief from the scorching heat of the Delhi Sun. Life has been pretty monotonous lately given I have been on work from home for good two months and also studying and apparently a social butterfly like me has not had many social interactions lately so I was feeling a little bit drained. I needed adventure and a change of routine so I first booked an impulsive snow trek which I canceled because I got scared given my talent of being clumsy and somehow I lost confidence in myself that I will be able to do a snow trek even though I had shopped well and prepared myself well. Anyhow, so, if you have been a regular reader of my blog posts you know that I have been out on two trips with this organization called  Miss Guide You 

So this organization is run by two of my friends, Kriti and Ashish and they are doing a great job, you must check out their page and all. Anyhow, so they are building this home called Slowness Himalayas in a small village near Almora and I asked them if I could visit and chill with them for a while because I keep seeing their Instagram stories and they are so tempting that one really wants to be there with all the views and fruity pictures. So that’s how the trip to Slowness happened.

Now, honestly, if you’re looking for excitement and adventure like that happens in Bir or Rishikesh where there is river rafting or paragliding this is not the place, however, you want to really experience the simple joys of life and peace and simply spend time with nature and yourself, this is just the place for you. The day starts pretty early here, you won’t believe it but as someone who finds it really hard to wake up in the morning in Delhi, I would wake up everyday around 5AM just to see the sunrise and that too without alarm, it just happened, I didn’t try for it or made an effort and the day would go by very slowly, like I would have a bath, get ready, read my book, engage in conversations with the people of the house I was living with and when I would check the time it would still be 10AM or so.

The place has got magnificent views to wake up to and beautiful birds to spend time with, you are all alone with nature and its sounds and the sound of your own thoughts.

The place is untouched by humans and is pretty clean and plastic free so far, whatever plastic we brought with ourselves, we got it back. The houses are pretty far from each other and it’s all-mountain forest area. The activities that you can do here could be to interact with the locals and listen to their stories, take several walks in the fruit farms and pick fruits to eat when you’re hungry, it’s fun, plant trees, get your hands dirty in the mud and feel the earth.

Moreover, if you have got your own vehicle, you can also go to other places like Kasar Devi, Mukteshwar etc. We borrowed Ashish’s bike and went upto Kasar Devi Temple and the journey was beautiful. There is also a waterfall nearby which is maintained by the locals and one can actually take bath there and chill in the water. It’s extremely beautiful.

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(Image borrowed from Google, it rained on the day I was supposed to go to the waterfall so I didn’t)

This trip was not like other conventional treks or trips, it was a leisurely relaxed one where I would read my book, enjoy a movie in the mountain rains, play with the house kids, have chit chats with my friends and laugh and maybe sleep in during the day too. Life gets pretty weird, it is breaks like these that bring us closer to ourselves. Even though I had my friends there, I had a lot of alone time which gave me enough time to reflect on my life and be grateful and sort out the mess and the hurricane in my head which runs too fast.

The best part of the trip was that I made friends with a local kid who was probably five years old- Maanvi and she and I had some really great times together. Mostly kids don’t come to me but she was an exception and showered me with so much love that I feel blessed.

Overall, this trip was beautiful and you should also go to slowness if you really want to pause and reflect on your life and have simple joys light up your days.

Here are some pictures from the trip:

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We could see snow peaks right outside the home we lived in.
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Caught in flight
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Almora
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Peaches
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We spotted a magnificent double rainbow after the beautiful mountain rains
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Sawan Barse Tarse Dil, Kyu Na Nikle Ghar Se Dil
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Kasar Devi Temple

 

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Our Stay

All the images here have been clicked by my friend Shiv. He was kind enough to let me use his pictures for this blog post. You should definitely check out his Instagram account here:

Bunch of Hobbies

and he also has a specific blog for bird photography called Beaks Feathers Nikon

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आज मदहोश हुआ
जाए रे जाए रे जाए रे
आज मदहोश हुआ जाए रे
मेरा मन, मेरा मन, मेरा मन
बिना ही बात मुस्कुराये रे
मेरा मन, मेरा मन, मेरा मन
आज मदहोश हुआ जाए रे
मेरा मन, मेरा मन, मेरा मन
ओ री कली, सजा तू डोली
ओ री लहर, पहना तू पायल
ओ री नदी, दिखा तू दर्पण
ओ री किरण, ओढ़ा तू आँचल
इक जोगन है बनी आज दुल्हन
आओ उड़ जाएँ कहीं बन के पवन
आज मदहोश हुआ जाए रे
मेरा मन, मेरा मन, मेरा मन
शरारत करने को ललचाये रे
मेरा मन, मेरा मन, मेरा मन
यहाँ हमें, ज़माना देखे
तो? आओ चलो कहीं छुप जाएँ, अच्छा!
यहाँ हमें, ज़माना देखे
आओ चलो कहीं छुप जाएँ
भीगा-भीगा नशीला दिन है
कैसे कहो, प्यासे रहपाएँ
तू मेरी मैं हूँ तेरा, तेरी कसम
मैं तेरी तू है मेरा, मेरी कसम
आज मदहोश हुआ जाए रे
मेरा मन, मेरा मन, मेरा मन
शरारत करने को ललचाये रे
मेरा मन, मेरा मन, मेरा मन
Signing off with this photograph and this song! Thank you people for reading ❤
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Social Issue

An Open Letter to The Indian Youth

Dear People,

We are the generation of today sitting behind our screens making a change in the world by changing our DPs and putting up statuses and sharing posts in support of an issue and thinking we are making a difference in the society. BOOM! Bubble Burst. No.

While I am also a part of this generation, I have hardly ever changed my DP for a social cause and I am proud of that because I made a difference for real and not by just sitting in the comfort of my room and simply putting up a picture or a Facebook Filter. There is more to life than that. As someone who actually works in the development sector, I know each individual small effort counts and we all can make a change if only we choose to. I have mostly stayed away from social media whenever it was anything political or about any crisis because it hardly did any good. I would always read but engage in real discussions where there was a possibility of reaching out to an outcome and I know that a huge chunk of people in the society are actually working towards making a difference, however, why I am writing this opinion piece and why it is sad, condescending and sarcastic is because I am not seeing enough youth come in support of the crisis in their own country, the doctors in the country are being mistreated, they are not being valued and they are not getting support from anywhere. And at the same time, I am seeing that the youth is busy supporting Sudan Crisis, it’s okay if Sudan Crisis is more important to you but imagine a day without doctors once and think.

We are the educated youth and it is not like we have to go on protests or you know conduct rallies of sorts but the least we can do is respect the doctors around us, understand their situation, talk to them, be empathetic, engage in discussions, if possible, try to understand the situation and not just ignore the situation, the need for this open letter arose because I felt that the youth is ignoring the crisis in their own country. I might be wrong in my interpretation, some of you reading this open letter might actually care about the issue and have actually done your bit. I appreciate your efforts but at the same time, not many non medicos are coming forward in support while almost everyone has atleast one friend or acquaintance to go to for free medical advice, please talk to them if you haven’t. Ask them how they are doing, they might be feeling identity crisis right now so just be there? And do your bit wherever you can. Write to journalists, write blogs, share posts, change DPs by all means. Changing DPs does matter but it’s not the only thing that matters. I think I made myself quite clear.

We as the youth have to give up this “CHALTA HAI” attitude just because we are not getting affected. Thank you

story

It’s a Bright Sunny Day

It’s was a bright sunny day today and I was having a regular family sort of Sunday with mum making amazing breakfast, Kapil Sharma Show in the morning with family and then studies, work, and cleaning. And by the time it was like 3pm, I was so tired and just wanted to hit the bed and sleep like a sloth.

However, there was this Delhi travelers meet which was happening and I had almost decided to cancel but then I was having the following mental conversation in my head which was like, woman don’t be lazy, just take a bath, put on a new dress which you have been dying to wear since you bought it and doll up a little, because you haven’t dressed up in ages, it’ll be a good change and you might meet new hot guys at the event, well that was a motivating factor because I haven’t had a crush in ages and I went outside to hunt a new crush, purely for entertainment. I was interested in the event but I was more interested in the possibility of finding a new hot bearded guy, a kind of intellectual hippie and that was enough for me to leave my bed, Netflix and comfort food. So, when I went there, it was a really small gathering and all my mental images of how the event would be shattered but I was not disappointed, I was just too happy because I had completed my target for work and studies before leaving home so I was relaxed and I had this thought that if I get bored in the next 30 minutes, I am heading to my favorite place in Khan Market for a glass of wine and I was carrying my favorite book with me to spend my Sunday just in case but then when we got talking, it was a laugh riot. I was so engrossed in the event that I did not even realize the time and as I write this, I have a broad smile on my face because I made new friends and new memories to cherish!

Life has so much to offer if we just keep ourselves open to possibilities and I realized one thing that no story is less significant, we all have our different stories and each of those stories are unique. Who are we, if not a bunch of stories? I am not here to write stories that I heard today because those stories belong to the people who told them, what I am here for is how one decision to step out of the comfort zone and laziness can turn the day around. If I had stayed at home and listened to my lazy heart, I would have binge-watched Netflix, ate too much junk and probably would be having backache right now because of the wrong posture but simply choosing to step out gave me amazing memories and new friends to hang out with and it’s in situations like these, one actually manages to have amazing ideas. Imagine a meet up of creative people, it’s gonna be a happy productive one no matter what.

And the best part was I learned a lot about myself. It has been a while since I have been to random events like this, I used to go to a lot of these and often organize a hell lot of them as well during my college days but then I grew up and started to get caught up in the monotony of life and I somewhere felt my creativity dying but when I went today, I felt so free, it was liberating, I was myself and just had pure fun and at the risk of sounding ostentatious, I felt appreciated too which really boosted my self-esteem because who doesn’t need a boost. As an individual, who wants to do a lot in life, I am often very hard on myself and don’t really appreciate myself when it is needed, this kind of event helped me appreciate myself, people around me, the environment I live in and re-ignited my love for creativity and art and thirst to travel.

All in all, it was one hell of a bright day, even though we met in the evening, the event felt like a Sunshine on a Winter Morning with a cup of tea and a hearty conversation!

People in the Picture:

The one with the multicolored earrings is me, your very own EuphoricBeing who has started a new blog on Instagram about Delhi and will be very happy if you follow her at this link: The Girl Who Loves Delhi

Next person in the photograph is the human being who actually had the courage to quit his job and follow his passion for life and is also the main organizer for this meet up- Antarik Anwesan.  You can and you should follow this guy on youtube: Antarik Anwesan

The one with all the food in front of him is an ex-colleague of mine and though we never really talked much in the office, it was super fun with him today and he is an environmentalist, a traveler, and blogger and a good friend-Ashish Bhardwaj, you can follow him here on Instagram: Whispering Trail

And last but not the least is one hell of an amazing woman, who might look very sorted but has actually quite a few amazing stand-up worthy stories to share about adulthood- Shweta Gaur and she lives peacefully because she is nowhere to be found on social media and is actually very happy like that!

So this was all for today, have an amazing work week ahead.

Toodles!

P.S. The hunt for a new crush is still on!

Analysis · life · scribbles · story

Getting Shit Together

Hello Dear Readers,

Here I am again, with my laptop in front of me, about to begin writing all my random confused thoughts, leave if you want to leave right now because as my earlier posts, I am not going to make a lot of sense, probably throw in stories and metaphors here and there and make you laugh a bit with passive aggression and sarcasm and stupidest of the thoughts and one-liner, read on if that interests you.

Writing helps a lot, not because it provides a solution but because when I start writing, I empty myself for a while at least.  It feels light and nice to take the weight off my chest and off my overthinking brain. I am aware that I overthink but I fail to improve upon this habit no matter how much I try. I could be writing all of this in a diary and keep it to myself, however sometimes knowing that someone else is also reading this and connecting to it at some level by liking this blog post makes me feel less alone. We live in a world where every single individual is going through his or her personal issues and honestly, I feel my generation is all a big big mess and we all strong too. We may not have the issues our parents or grandparents had to face in their lives, but we do have our issues which are advanced and often at the mental level. I feel that we as a generation are not too strong mentally and need help with that. And the reason we are not really strong is that we have mostly got what we wanted, we have mostly had our way throughout childhood and we would behave irrationally and our parents would give in to our demands, I feel that we are a bunch of spoiled kids in the bodies of adults, and that is why adulthood is difficult for all of us because we never really faced hardships. I am sure our parents also went through the crisis we are going through right now but at least they knew that they don’t have a choice and life works like that only so they made it. We live in the “INSTANT” generation. We don’t want to spend time on our careers, we want immediate results and immediate money, we don’t want to spend time building strong friendships and bonds, we want immediate acceptance and gratification. We are that generation which does not have a lot of patience within us. We behave irrationally, have unrealistic expectations and are always broke because we reward ourselves more than the efforts we put in. Self-love is important, mental health is important, but it must be understood that success is not a cake walk, there are sleepless nights, there are bad days, there are rough days, there are days which will make you want to give up. It takes a lot of effort, courage, strength and focus to achieve the dreams. We are not extraordinary, yes we are all unique in our own ways and have special talents but we must understand our limitations as well and must have the will to work on our limitations. I had a dream of being a professor in college and I failed my entrances twice, I wanted to go for a PhD immediately after my masters, and I failed. But I am someone who always kept three or more backup plans in case my first plan failed, and it helped me buy more time to work towards the goal I have been aiming for.  I learned a lot when I changed my track and it made me realize where I belong and I am still working towards the goal I felt like giving up. The idea is to not get stuck. I have been happy more or less with the career that I have right now, but there is a long road ahead and I somehow know that I am unable to give my best right now because there are externalities affecting my efforts towards my dreams. However, there are other life skills that I am learning which I would not have there not been externalities. We keep planning our lives and life is like Malinga who gives fastball, bouncer, twister which you can’t predict, either you hit the ball like Dhoni or you play safe like Dravid or you duck and change the rules in Galli Cricket. But the point is, you plan goes like a catch out when life becomes the bowler. So just keep playing, and as far as getting the shit together is concerned, well, I’ll talk about that in the next post because I am tired now of writing and giving all these cricket references which I don’t really understand.

I honestly started off to write something else and ended up writing this, so I guess that’s what life is. Keep playing.

 

Uncategorized

Sailing through adulthood

Hello Dear Readers,

It’s been a long while since I actually came on the blog to write about things and life in general. This post is going to be more random than all the posts before and it’s going to be something that you call from the point of the stream of consciousness where one just babbles whatever thoughts strike the mind. Sometimes I think it’s important to write thoughts once in a while because we are all mad here.

I am now 24 and I am still learning to be an adult, being irresponsible makes me want to behave like an adult and when I feel that I have been too responsible for a long while (long while here is probably just one week of doing everything right) I feel that there is a missing spark in life and let’s do something controversial not realizing that controversial stuff will give me a self-created headache. There is something called “The Political Death”, if you do everything as per the rules and everything goes smooth, as it should, things get monotonous and you don’t get too much attention from people around you, your family starts saying stuff like “Everything feels so nice when there is no turbulence, and you behave like a good girl”, and very often the term “good girl” annoys me more than it makes me feel validated. I have always been a good girl, no rule breaking, always taking the right path all the time as a kid and throughout my teenage years too. I haven’t really made mistakes and sometimes I regret that. I have got one life which I have lived playing safe, never landing up in drama or trouble and that somehow sucks, I don’t have many legendary stories to tell. My mother tells me that I have done enough rebellion, I disagree, I have taken minor decisions of life without their permission and that is considered as enough rebellion, I don’t know how I really feel about that because sometimes I think my mother is right and I now I need to take care of my health, my life, my focus and do things that are healthy, eat healthily, build healthy relationships, meditate and go towards spirituality which is all good and nice things and a part of me really wants to do that and be an ideal human being but then I wonder what will I accomplish after that? Suppose I do all things right, get settled in a stable career, earn crapload of money and get married to a good guy, where is fun? Where is the adventure in life I have dreamt of? Where are the failures after a huge risky step and where are the simple joyful successes after a weird adventure? Where are the funny travel stories? Where are the strange encounters with strangers? Where are those random bumping into a celebrity moment if I all I end up doing is being a good girl and playing safe. Sometimes I feel that I restrict my life a lot by what people will think of me because as someone who was not really accepted by the people around her throughout her childhood, I crave acceptance and that’s why for a lot of times I don’t do what I really want to do, for a lot of times, when I want to be selfish, I end up in self-harm where I am torn emotionally, mentally, physically. I constantly have guilt for doing something for me because very often it disappoints everyone around me and even if I do something for a person A, person B will be disappointed and that sucks. I constantly feel the need to keep everyone around me happy and take care of them while I feel hesitation in demanding that I “want” something out of someone because I always feel that they are not obligated to, which is true. Nobody owes anybody anything. I don’t know where am I or who am I or what I want or where I want to be, but I am sailing through adulthood. And I guess I will make it because I see people around me, a lot of them are well let me not say it, or to hell with it, let me just say it- Dumb, Unaware and Weird Folks who are doing just great in their lives, I guess I’ll do above average too because I don’t settle for average things in life, I may settle for below average men in my life for a couple of days or weeks but not when it comes to life.

Anyway, thanks for reading and wasting your 5 minutes knowing about a strange girl living in Indian Subcontinent with dreams that wander in French Novels, American High School setup, all things Disney and Bollywood. I hope you have a good day.

poetry · scribbles

Take Me to Sleep

You live with your heart,
Your brain is a fucked up place.
You think too much.
Don’t do this
Don’t do that.
Maybe just try living.
You expect too much.
You’re enough.
You don’t have to achieve in order to be worthy.
You think too much.
You do too much.
You laze around a lot.
You are not fucked up.
You create fuck ups.
You don’t have to do this.
You’re not supposed to do that.
Just breathe
Just live
Just smile
Just laugh.
Don’t stress.
Don’t cry.
It’s okay to cry if you get fine
Don’t cry, my child.
You’re loved.
Why do you make the people around you prove that they love you?
You love too much.
Don’t do that. People will break you.
They suck your energy. You let me get away. Don’t do that.
You think too much.
You’re special.
Dream big.
Life isn’t a dream.
Reality sucks. It doesn’t operate like those in books and movies.
You dream too much.
Dream but dream as per practical standards of dreaming.
You think too much.
Live life as it comes.
Don’t stress.
Don’t cry.
Don’t fight.
Just exist.
Just be.
Just smile.
Just love.
Just live.
*STOP*

I am dying. I die every time I know I have fucked up but can’t make it right.
I die every time I cannot do things they are supposed to be done.
I die every time I don’t rise up to the expectations of the people around me.
I die every time my loved ones are disappointed in me.
I die every time I fail.
I die every time someone leaves.
I die every time I love the wrong person and take ages to move on.
I die every time I do not achieve my target and fulfill the needs of my people.
I die every time someone feels bad because of me.
I die every time I have anxiety. I die every time my brain becomes my own enemy. I die every time my heart and head fight to the point where my body gives up.
I die every day. I die every time. 

Your pieces of advice and words and care are all correct and provide reassurance but years of being an achievement addict, an addict to seeking approval in order to feel worthy, an addict to make things right even when everything is crumbling, an addict to the idea of not needing anyone and just being there for the people sometimes makes me cry and my head hurts and I die with pain and in pain wishing for death Everytime I cannot say I am fine or I will be fine.
Take me to sleep. I don’t want to wake up.
story

In Seven Circles

You come to me in circles, in circles of life, in circles of days and nights and in between. You are a constant thought coming to me even in my thoughtlessness. You’re my fantasy of being. I work all day and tire myself out to come to you when I open the door of our home, I see scented candles for which I have a thing for in my long luxurious baths on Sundays, I see candles of all colors, shapes, and sizes adoring our tiny little home, it’s you and me dancing in circles. I see you have put up a giant painting of night sky full of stars and a moon which shines bright, you know how much I love the moon and the stars and how I can never really choose whenever you ask me the question of Moon or Stars. I love both of them and they have been my constant companions on several nights before you came along with those brown hazel eyes of yours, that smooth symmetrical nose which is a bit cuter than mine and that jawline for which I would die for and I am sure so many other women too but darling, I am aware that I captivated you as much as you captivated me with that bright look of yours, I know I am pretty and not modest because I learned with several heartbreaks. I remember our first meeting on a boat in the middle of the giant lake where we both were being touristy and I heard you playing flute to the songs I was humming to myself, when our eyes were locked and I kept singing and you kept on playing the flute, we never exchanged any words and just floated away with time just like the boat floats on the lake or river or the sea, I don’t even remember anymore. All I know is the look in your eyes not leaving mine and here I am standing in front of you in our home after years of being together with the same look as on our first meeting. My heart is taking leaps like never before, my breath is short with your hands slowly holding my waist and pulling me closer with your eyes not leaving mine, I have my arms wrapped around your neck and I smell apple pies instead of smelling your cologne and I light up with joy, my smile becomes laughter and I leave you standing in the drawing room with scented candles as I rush to the kitchen to get the apple pies and you laugh, you laugh louder than I do on most days and just keep on laughing while I smell the apple pies and grab myself a slice and begin eating in the kitchen while you just watch me standing on the kitchen door from a corner and say “I love you” in your most sexy voice which I know you are modulating and I say “God damn, I love this pie and I love you too” and you can’t help but laugh at my love for food because you now have come to accept that I will always love food and SRK more than I will love you and I am glad because I am done fighting  with you over this little issue. Now that I am well fed after a shitty Monday in office, I ask you how was your day because running a startup isn’t as easy as it looks but it’s cool, I like you being your own boss because I don’t get to be a boss until I am home, stop chuckling, you know who runs the house, you might be the head as the patriarchy says but I am the neck and a Vetaal hanging around your neck at the same time so you are not going to win ever and you know that the moment you try to win, I leave. I love you but I have made you realize that I won’t take a minute to leave in case you plan on playing schemes with me or to hurt me and what scares you is that I am capable of being alone. I want you around but not need you because my past lovers broke me enough to never need a man and I know I break your heart every single time because I can’t risk you breaking mine while unintentionally you do break my heart every now and then and sometimes I love it because it is not love but guilt that makes you decorate the room with scented candles and paintings and pie and your “I love you” and that laughter is overflowing with guilt of you cheating on me with my sister, you are abandoning me exactly two days after tonight, I saw your flight tickets that night while setting our bed. Flight tickets booked in the name of you and my sister on the day of my birthday, thank you, dear husband, for such a beautiful birthday gift.

I should have known for those brown hazel eyes can never be trusted, but I play along with your game of candles and pies, we should have had the most amazing sex that night, the mood was right but you did hurt my pride. Your fingers trace my figure, knowing every single sensitive spot, making me shiver and shudder. I suggest role play in the middle of the foreplay and blindfolds, and handcuffs, and wine. I tie you to the bedpost, put blindfolds leaving you fully dressed. I pack my bags and head to the airport for my solo trip to Hawai and my sister is on her way to rescue you, I texted her. Keep the home, the candles and what not. I am never coming back cause I got myself something which you will never know and have while you were busy setting up candles.

Enjoy your new life

Never yours,

-Unfortunately your wife.

Darling, NEVER HURT MY PRIDE.